I need to take a break. A day, a full 24 hours to myself. No husband, no kids, no work, no business, no phone calls, no email, no drama. No cooking, no cleaning, no fussing, no stressing, no planning, no lists. Just me, my music, some good food, ice cream, a couple of good movies, magazines and a good book (something real juicy). I might even take my husband's game (if I can pry it out of his hands) and play Dance Central all night. Ohh, and my karaoke machine and ...wait, I might need two days.
I am often told that I don't know how to relax. I have always tried to be supermom, and I have the Halloween pics to prove it. But, the stress has left me emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted. And I realize that I'm married and I should "share the wealth" as far as responsibilities go, but I'll be the first to admit that I am a control freak and I want things done when I want it and how I want it. Don't judge me.
So I'm thinking that there is no way that I can go on this little "retreat" in my own home. Why? Because it's just not possible. Even if I can manage to send the hubby and kids off to do something for a day, I still won't be able to do something non-house related. There is always something to clean and I just can't concentrate sometimes. I will definitely be getting a room for a night.
The thing that really opened my eyes to needing this mini time out is while I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass, which has been the best free therapy I could have received. On this particular episode they talked about how people need to slow down, because they are on autopilot and not only missing out, but making horrible mistakes. There was one woman who's story broke my heart and I remember hearing about her several years ago when it first happened. She forgot to drop her daughter off at day care and the daughter died from sitting in the back of the hot car for 8 hours. Another man forgot to turn off his wife's car that was sitting in their attached garage and she and their pets died of carbon monoxide poisoning. But, then there was a lady who took a year off from her family because she was so drained that getting away was the only way to get back to being her.
And that's where I began to think about me and my life. Lately, I have felt like I'm rushing all the time. I'm always looking at a clock and everything is always a countdown to something else. By the end of the day I'm exhausted and in the morning it's a struggle to get out the bed. I don't mind working full time while also building up my business and taking care of my family, but I don't want to wear myself thin either. So, I'm hoping that this retreat will be the first of many to help me become more balanced and more appreciative of the moment I'm living now.
I'm also going to allow myself the opportunity to let go of my frustrations, my disappointments, my imperfections, my hurt, my fears and my anger. I'm going to pray, meditate, I might even cry and just deal with me and how to keep myself sane. I can't do nothing for my family or my business if I'm a hot mess. We as parents, spouses and human beings give and give until we are on empty and I am drained. I , whom have always been a positive person, feel a little less hopeful about my relationships because I feel disconnected from everybody. Truth is, I'm disconnected from myself.
I don't know how soon this day of solitude will happen, but I can't wait. This past year was a good year, but it was me who stopped it from being great. I won't make the same mistake twice. I'm taking time out for me.
What would you do with a day all to yourself?
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