The Imperfect Parent

It's official, whatever sense I had left, has decided to leave the building. In my effort to be overly organized and keep the whole house on tract, I confused my kids off days for school. 

I thought they were off today and Monday. Turns out the school is closed Monday and NEXT Friday. Imagine my surprise/embarrassment when the school called to see why neither one of my kids were at school and I didn't report them absent. 

After my "what you talking about Willis" moment, I had to just laugh at myself. I wanted to fuss at my husband for not double checking but that would have been to no avail. I could just see his dear in headlights expression while he tells me, "I just follow your lead."

This just reminded me that no matter how much you plan, sometimes things just go left. So I'm allowing myself to make mistakes, I'll learn from them and move on. Luckly this mistake was to their advantage (and mine since I took the day off to be with them.) 

So what silly mistake have you made as a parent? Let's be imperfect together.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Five Words That Will Set You Free

We have family meetings in my house. Usually only once a month just to go over the social calendar for my kids (I don't have much of a social life outside of work and church/choir), to make sure everybody is on the same page and give the kids an opportunity to have the floor and our undivided attention.

But, every now and then I have to call a meeting when things are out of control (at least for me). When clothes and toys are all over the floor, homework isn't being done, library books are overdue, etc, I have to call a meeting to get my troops back in line. I made it known to them that if I ask them to do something and they don't, there will be consequences. I'm not one of those mothers who just threatens either, I back mine up. My son just got his tablet back after not having it the entire summer.

Not only that, but I have to remind my husband that I can't be everywhere at once. You ever ask someone to remind you to do something and they don't and then you have to fuss at them for not remembering to remind you. Yeah, that happens in our house a lot. Threatening a grown man didn't work cause he just gave me side eye. So at our last meeting I decided to be more creative with him.

My husband says that he wants to help take some of the pressure and stress off of me, but it doesn't always work because while I was willing to give him half or part of the responsibility by having him remind me, the control freak in me wasn't willing to let it go completely. So in an effort to let some things go I decided to put these 5 words into my vocabulary: "I'm making it your responsibility."

What that means for me is that I am giving it to him to take care of from start to finish. I am not checking behind him to see if it was done (well, maybe once) and I am freeing myself from the guilt of not being supermom. I make sure that I look him squarely in the eyes, recite my 5 magical words and wait for a response from him, whether it be a laugh, shoulder shrug, eye roll or simple "yes". When I know he has received his challenge I let it go. I don't know if he had been fooling me all this time with his convenient memory loss or he just wants to prove himself, but it has been working so far. Either that, or I've freed myself from it so much that I don't remember what the heck I asked him to do. In any case, there have not been any catastrophes so we're good.

Ok, moms and wives, I challenge you to relinquish some of the control. Start handing out some of the responsibility and tell me how you feel!

Forever loving my BADD Kids,
Rhonda

I am a lunch box rock star

So, we are well into this new school year and other than making sure my children stay on top of their homework assignments, I have become completely obsessed with making sure they eat their lunches. Last year I threw away more food than they ate and I am making it my goal to change that around.

When I was growing up, the lunches were real simple: a sandwich, some fruit, a sweet treat or two and a juice box. You either ate it yourself or upgraded with a trade from a friend. You ate your lunch regardless. But, ohh, not my kids. They would come home with the whole lunch uneaten talking about they were hungry.

So in my effort to trick entice my kids to eat their lunches, I did two things. First, I took my husband off of lunch box duty. No offense, but they just weren't into it. Second, I got creative. With the help of Pinterest, I was inspired to make some pretty nice lunches.


Then, as an added bonus, I was complimented by their teacher on how awesome their lunches looked. It was the very next day after my "Mom Shaming" post so my mom swag went up a notch or two.

Here are a few examples of their lunches:

Ham and cheese kabobs, peaches, carrots and ranch, pretzels and cookies

Bologna sandwich, cheese stick, apples and caramel dip and cookies

Bologna sandwich, pretzels, peaches, fruit snack and cookies

With the exception of a few apples and a sandwich, their containers have come home pretty empty. Either the new, improved lunches are a go, or they are giving me the okeydoke and throwing everything away. In any case, I feel like a better parent because my children are getting the food they need to energize their growing brains.

Let me also add that they only get 20 minutes or so for lunch, which can seem like 5 for those children who can't help but to socialize.

Tell me about your lunchbox experience. Do you have any snack ideas or tips? Let me know.

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda 

Are you guilty of "Mom Shaming"?

So, I'm sure you've heard of dog shaming: when a owner posts a picture of something crazy their pet did. I must admit some of the pics I've seen are kind of funny. Here are a few of my favorites:

Source

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Pet shaming is harmless, they don't know what's going on and nobody's feelings are hurt (except the dog, maybe, but they get over it). But, you know what I can't stand and is when people Mom Shame. They make you feel guilty about not being able to do something because of responsibilities at home. It can cause people like me to Mom Shame myself sometimes off of pure guilt that I clearly am not the SuperMom they think I should be.

"But, Rhonda, nobody has taken a picture of you with a sign that reads, 'I let my kids wear the same jeans 3 times in a week as long as they don't stink and are not physically soiled'." No, they have not, thank God, but if you have heard or said any of the following you have been exposed to Mom Shaming:

 "Oh, I didn't invite you because I figured you had to do something with your kids."

 "You get take-out on Wednesdays? We usually save that for the weekends."

 "My children don't eat gluten or monosaturated fats." 

 "We missed you at the last meeting."

 "We were short staffed since you had to call in to take care of your sick child."

 "If you can't be committed, then please re-evaluate your membership."

 "Maybe you'll get to help out at the next fundraiser."

 "Nick's mom let him have a phone."

 "Please check one: Yes, I can help out for the school event in the morning, Yes, I can help out for the school event in the afternoon, No, I am unable to help out at this event or any other because I work."

Okay, so that last one was not worded exactly like that, but that's how I felt. There is a ton of guilt associated with being a mom, especially a working one who has dreams and goals of her own. I am not just a mother of two, I am a wife, a colleague, a dreamer, a writer, a songbird, a visionary, a counselor, and much much more. So while some of the shame is self-inflicted, I have to remind myself of all these complexities that create me. As long as my children are healthy, happy and satisfied, I can rest easy at night and could care less of what anyone thinks about my parenting abilities. Hashtag please go have several seats.

Has anyone every Mom Shamed you? How did you handle it?

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda

Before and After Kids- A Mother's Reflection

There's a picture I have on my bookshelf with me and my friends from a party circa 2004. My hair was a little bit shorter, my nails were done and I was probably a size or two smaller. I don't remember much about that night and if it weren't for the picture I probably wouldn't even have thought twice about it. It just made me think about how life BK (before kids) was and how it seems like such a distant memory. The picture was a year before I got the title of "mommy", but I just wanted to share some ways my life has changed since then.

Y'all know about that club pose, don't front.- 2004

College Graduation- Dec. 2003

My baby shower Oct. 2005

Before Kids:
- My girl would call me up, last minute, sometimes after midnight to go hang out and I would be up and out the door. Now- there are no calls after midnight. There are no calls after 10 for that matter.

-I would hang out/ party at least once a month. Now- I still party, but it's usually in the company of babies and grade schoolers- a lot of them.

-Sleeping in meant getting up around 10 or 11. Now- sleeping in doesn't exist, these kids are up at 7:30 every morning.

-I would go the restroom alone. Now-  they want to hold family meetings when I'm on the porcelain throne.

-Going out to eat was a normal, everyday thing. Now- there has to be a budget/ coupon/ 2 for 1 special to feed my family of 4.

- I felt cute and sexy 80% of the time. Now- I find it hard to come out of "mommy mode" for some grown and sexy time. (Sorry hubby).

- I didn't even like kids. Now- I still don't. I love my children dearly.

- If I was sick, I would lay down and sleep it off. Now- moms don't get sick.

- On my days off, you could find me at the mall, at a restaurant or at the movies. Now- A day off from work just means a day on for housework and errands. In other words, moms don't get off days either.

- Date night was nothing but fun. Now- date night can be stressful when you have to find a babysitter, spend money you don't have on a movie that you may or may not like or fall asleep on.

- I could finish a meal with no interruptions. Now- yeah right.

I never knew that these little people could control my life in this way. Now- I can't imagine my life without them.

July 4th, 2014

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. kids,
Rhonda

Moving Tips...Not Really

It's funny that s fast as I wrote the post saying that I was combining my two blogs into one, I decided not to. I take pleasure in knowing that as a woman, (not to mention owner of the blogs in question), I can and will change my mind. #sorrynotsorry

So I realized that I had been so busy, that I didn't get a chance to spread the good news...We moved! We've been in the new house for a little over a month now and I absolutely love it. Moving from an apartment to a house was the best and long awaited thing I've done. Yes, I'm paying more a month, but it's worth every dime.

In addition to more space, we have peace of mind and wonderful neighbors. For anyone who remembers my Facebook posts over the years, I have had more than my share of neighbors from hell. I've had my packages stolen, my apartment nearly broken into, loud cursing, screaming and fighting all times of the night, and copper thieves who caused us to have to be evacuated. Needless to say, I don't miss a thing about apartment living and for those who are still enduring, may God be with you.

I was on Pinterest looking at other blogs' moving tips and I had gathered all my supplies: boxes, packaging tape, markers, bags, etc. I had planned on labeling each room a different color and since we had several weeks to move, I thought this was going to be the best moving experience we've had.

I would love to tell you that's what happened and I would love to give you helpful hints about moving and how to make it easy and stress free. Unfortunately, that just didn't happen for me, so I got nothing. There was broken furniture, punctured walls, too many masculine egos and tight jaws (maybe even a broken tooth) from me choosing to keep my mouth shut. But, what I do have is appreciation to my family for helping us move. But for the sake of our sanity and my teeth, I'm hiring movers next time.

Tell me something crazy that happened during your move.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids!

I might be the only mother who dreads back to school time

I feel the tension in my neck just thinking about it. Drill Sergeant mornings commanding my kids to brush there teeth and get ready for school, packing lunches that barely get eaten, traffic with thousands of parents hitting the streets again, trying to make the drop offs and punch the daily clock on time. Not to mention the back to school sales and lists of recommended school supplies that specify Crayola. (I guess the $1 store brand is out of the question.) Budgets become non existent when the perfect backpack is in mind.

Needless to say, back to school time stresses me out. Where are my moments of singing and jumping in the air like they do on the commercials? Those must be stay-at-home moms cause I don't feel that kind of joy. I'm glad that they are learning and socializing, but getting them to school is more than a notion. I've thought several times about homeschooling, but I don't have the patience for that either. This working mom is trying to figure out how to juggle cooking, homework, baths and one on one time with my kids with the 3 hours of time we'll have together in the evenings (bedtime is 8:30).

The good news is that my kids do wonderfully at school. I've been told they are some of the smartest and well behaved children in there classes, so they make it easy for us as parents.  The even better news is that since they are getting older, they can help out. I'm going to have them help fix their own lunches and pick out their clothes the night before. That should also eliminate the "I can't find my shoes" debacle every morning. We'll get our routine together eventually.

So, I guess I'll start the back to school countdown and lift my imaginary glass of sparkling grape juice (it's too early for wine) and toast it up to another healthy, happy and drama free school year.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
  Rhonda

My Superstar Student

So this is the last week of school for my son and he was the superstar student last week. For Monday he had to fill in this poster board that was all about him: his favorite color, food to eat, etc. Tuesday, he brought in his favorite toy to show the class and Wednesday was his favorite book. Then, on Thursday I had to send in a parent letter or poem about him. It could be a funny or special story about him, pictures or a poem. Per his request (he's just like me in that aspect), I wrote a poem with his name as the focus point. Want to hear it, hear it go.

Christopher is my first born child

And he's so special to me.

Keep listening on to my poem 

And you too will see.

C is for creative, he loves to build with his hands.

H is for handsome, his smile is so grand.

R is for responsible, he always does his home work.

I is for imaginative, he has the best looking artwork.

S is for super, he loves to have super hero fun.

T is for taste buds, he also loves to eat honey buns.

O is for obedient, I rarely have to say something twice.

P is for peaceful, he's always so polite.

H is for happy, he is such a happy kid.

E is for entertaining, always showing me something new he did.

R is for radioactive, I only chose this word because,

With all the great things he already is, it would be kinda cool if he was.

-Rhonda 5/27/13

He said the class enjoyed it and laughed at the honey bun part, and the line about being radioactive. It was fun for me too. I got to flex my poetry skills and write about one of my favorite things in the world- my kids. Until next time.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids!

My daughter said the "S" word and I almost fainted

There I was minding my business when she said it out of the blue: "Mama, you and my daddy have sex." It wasn't even a question. It was a statement, like she knew without a doubt she was telling on me to myself.

It took me a minute to register what she had said but once I did, I was literally lost for words. This girl is 4 years old. In what world is it okay for her to ask me about sex at such a young age? That's it, no more TV!

I had always said that I would talk to my children about sex before they hit puberty so that they wouldn't be out in the world uninformed and experimenting on their own, but today was not supposed to be that day.

So after I asked her where did she hear about that from and hoping with all my soul that she didn't hear us during a "marital encounter", I just explained to her that "that" is something that married people do and she doesn't have to worry about it for a long time. I also explained to her that sex is not something that children talk about.

Yes, it was the cowards way out but I couldn't even think of anything else to say. That should buy me another couple of years, at least until I'm ready to have the real talk.

What do you think, was my approach right or did I miss an important teaching moment? What would you have done?

We need to pray for our children

There are a lot of families in mourning today. As I watched the coverage of the Connecticut school shootings and read the articles over the week-end, I tried to write this post, but the tears took over and I had to take a pause. Unfortunately, mass shootings and crazy people with guns have become the norm with morning news, but this one hit home for me because I am a mother and my heart aches for the children and teachers that were lost during this horrible event. I can not imagine the pain that these parents, teachers and the community as a whole are going through. I pray for them and their strength.

As a Christian I try to find that light in the middle of the darkness, but I find it hard to do when the children lost were innocent bystanders. What light, except for the heroic actions taken by students and staff can be found in this? And now parents have to live without their children and try to explain to those who survived how and why something like this could happen.

So, I used this tragedy as a teaching moment and I told my children the same thing again I told them before and I explained to them that while they are safe, we tell them these things just in case, just like the firefighter came to their school and told them what to do if there is a fire. My son didn't understand why I won't buy him any toy guns or let him play violent video games. I told him that pretending to shoot someone should not be any child's ideal of fun. There are other things to do. I have also told him and his sister that if they ever see a gun or somebody with a gun, go get an adult- do not touch it, don't let anybody else touch it, pick it up or play with it. Get away from it as quickly as possible because guns are dangerous and they hurt people.  I also took the opportunity to re-tell them about strangers and just explain to them that there are some bad people in the world and if somebody ever tried to give them candy or show them a puppy, or touched them in any way while I was not in their sight, they are to scream, kick and fight because no one should be talking to them without my permission. I kept it short and sweet, but it made me realize that this is not just a one time conversation. This is something that kids should be told continuously.

I was at work when the news broke and their was a little girl, probably around 4 or so, and she saw all the commotion on TV and she asked who I can assume was her dad, "What's going on on TV?" And his reply was, "Oh, that's were them kids got killed." After I picked my jaw up off the floor and he was out of earshot, my co-worker and I had some not very nice words to say about him. What an insensitive, shocking and straight up ignorant thing to say to anyone, let alone a little child. I cant believe how immune and de-sensitized some people have become. I can't say that I soak in every bit of bad news I hear, but when it comes to 20 children being killed in this magnitude, I can't help but to open my heart up to that.

There are many conversations being had today about the safety of our kids' schools. I am confident in my children's safety. I would never have them go somewhere where I didn't feel they were safe. Bad things can happen anywhere: schools, movie theatres, churches, and we have to do more than just be cautious and prepared, we have to be prayed up. I pray for my children all the time because they are closer to me than my skin. I don't want to become one of those overprotective, overbearing parents but it's times like these when you don't want to let them out of your sight. I want them to be able to live a normal life without fear, so whenever I can't protect them, I have the up most faith that the Lord will.

Times have definitely changed since I was in school and our children are dealing with so many things we didn't have to deal with. We have to be there for them. talk to them, hug them, tell them we love them. Don't ignore the signs of fear and depression, hoping that they will "grow out of it". We have already seen what denial can do. Let's stop brushing things under the rug and start having those uncomfortable conversations with our children. And after we continue to have those conversations, we have to be sensitive to there needs and above all, never stop praying.

Positively loving my Beautiful And Delightfully Dynamic Kids,
                                                  Rhonda

Just a little advise for when motherhood gets hard

(This is a re-post from Mich Moms blog published 2009.)

Whenever I go to a baby shower, I usually sign the card with something like this: “There is nothing more fulfilling, scary, astonishing and overwhelming than being a mother. Remember to enjoy the good moments but, take the not so good ones in stride.” Lately, I’ve come to realize that it’s important to tell a mother this whether her child is a new born or grown with their own kids. There are a few mothers that I know (and probably some that I don’t know) who need to be uplifted.

I know it’s hard being a mother and being heartbroken over what your child has done. Mothers feel responsible for their children and tend to carry the guilt of their children’s failures on their shoulders. Not only that, but society is quick to fault mothers too. I myself have said that a child had no home training when I saw them being unruly in public.

Carrying all that weight is a heavy burden to bear. Just try to remember that although there will be times that are scary and overwhelming, letting the good outweigh the bad is what will bring the fulfillment. There is no one proven way in raising a child that will guarantee their success. If there was, please believe that whatever forms the info came in, whether book, DVD, or lecture, it would be sold out on a continuous basis.

You can be a straight laced, bible toter or a laid back “I want my child to be my friend” type of parent and the outcome is still unknown. All we can do as mothers is raise our children with love and pray that when they are coming into adult hood, we have given them enough compassion and understanding of how the world works, that they will make the right decisions. And if not, that’s okay, because we will still be there to help guide them along the way. We just have to remember that there is a fine line between guidance and total take over.

So to every mother who has had their bumps in the road and mountains to climb, stay in a positive mind and take it all in stride. 

Cooking with the Kids- Icebox Cake

My new favorite website/ social networking site/ addiction right now is Pinterest. There are so many fun and creative things to do on there. My favorite boards are the DIY/Crafts, Food & Drink, Home Decor and Kids. It's funny that a few months ago I didn't even know what the heck the website was, but now I'm pinning and actually trying the food and activities that I repin.

So, one of the things I did a couple of weeks ago was, I made a Strawberry Ice Box Cake with my kids. The original post came from So How's It Taste website and the pic to follow is from there as well. After I cut up the strawberries I put my son on strawberry duty, my daughter on graham cracker duty and I did the whipped topping and chocolate topping. Not only did it taste great, but my kids had fun too.

Do you have any recipes you make with your kids?

   

No-Bake Strawberry Icebox Cake

adapted from The Kitchn
makes 12 servings

ingredients:

3 lbs. fresh strawberries, sliced
2 (8 oz.) tubs fat-free whipped topping (or use regular or light)
1 (14.4 oz.) box graham crackers
1/4 cup milk chocolate chip morsels

directions:

1. Spread a small amount of whipped topping on the bottom of a 9x13-inch baking pan. Place 5 graham cracker sheets down the middle and break 2 more sheets into crackers to fit down the sides. Lightly cover the top of the graham crackers with more whipped topping and then a layer of sliced strawberries. Repeat three times, until you have four layers of graham crackers (you may be a few crackers short on the top layer, but that's ok). You'll end with a layer of strawberries on top.

2. Place milk chocolate chip morsels in a plastic bag. Microwave in 10 second intervals until melted. Snip the end of the plastic bag and drizzle chocolate over top of cake.

3. Refrigerate covered for at least four hours, or until the crackers have softened completely. Cake will last well for two days. It will still be good on the third day, but the strawberries will start to get juicy and leak into the whipped topping. It will still taste good, but it won't be as pretty.

Is is August already?

Is it just me or is this summer going by way too fast? So I know it's been awhile since my last post, but I have a good excuse...I'm crazy busy. Not that I'm complaining or anything. This is, after all, what I wanted. I said that I would be Super Mom, that I could do all things thru He who strengthens me.

But, I have to be honest. Some days, I ask myself if I should give up on my beauty business and just work my 9-5 and be happy. But, I know me and I would never be content with that. So while I often wake up asking "what the day is?" because I am juggling a husband, 2 kids, a 9-5 job, my business and 4 other projects I got going on, I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world.

During the day I am constantly moving and the cranks in my brain are on super speed thinking about the next project, but when night comes, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

That being said, I'm going to try my best to keep this blog more up to date. My kids are such a big part of my life that I spend more time enjoying the moments rather than recording them. It is my mission to have a good balance of both.

Loving those BADD Kids,
Rhonda

Also, I want to start featuring mothers on the blog every month. Details to come.

A Mother's Day Reflection



I was 24 when I had my first child. It was two years almost to the day from graduating from college and I had not yet found that "dream job" I had been hoping for. But, the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I was being called for a greater purpose.

It didn't come easy because I had a more than difficult pregnancy and a traumatic delivery, but once I held my son in my arms, all that didn't matter anymore. Then, during a moment of amnesia I suppose, I turned around and went through the whole ordeal again 2 years later.

I like to contribute my growth as a person to being a mother. I have always been responsible and a mother like figure, but when I became a mother I realized that it wasn't about me anymore. Everything I did from that point on was going to effect my children in some form or fashion so I had to change my point of view.

Through these nearly 7 years of motherhood, I have learned a lot about myself and sometimes when it gets overwhelming I reflect back on the things I know will help me along the way. Here are a few of my favorite quotes about motherhood that reign true in my life.

                   "Everything good about me, came from my mom. If I can be half the mother that she
                    is, I will consider Motherhood a success..."    -Unknown

                    "The greatest thing she'd learned over the years is that there's no way to be a perfect
                     mother, but a million ways to be a good one."    -Unknown

                     "The best part of being a mom is when I see my kids genuinely happy about
                     everything."   -Unknown

                     "Being a mother is the hardest job on earth."   -Oprah

                     "You know you're a mother when the smallest whimper from your child can wake you
                      from a deep sleep."      -Linda Poindexter



One of the things that I have figured out about myself since becoming a mom is that I have an exceptional amount of emotional strength and my faith is beyond my own comprehension. Of course, I learned from the best. Everything I know about motherly love came from my own Mama and Grandma.

So to them and every mother out there I say keep up the good work. Happy Mother's Day!

Pretend play is no joke sometimes

Source

While I was braiding my hair this past week-end, my kids were at liberty to do pretty much whatever they wanted. Mommy can we watch a movie? Yes. Mommy can we play with playdoh? Yes. Mommy I'm pretending that I'm having a baby. Say what, now?! That last one kind of had me shook. It was coming from my 3 year old.

I had been listening to my daughter as she told my son, "I need to go to the hospital", and he in turn jumped in the recliner and pretended to speed though the streets, and burn rubber at every turn. But, what I was not prepared for was my daughter pretending to get out of a car, wobbling and holding her belly. I asked her what they were doing and that's when the statement that stopped me in my tracks came along.

Of course, I can laugh about it now, ( which I have several times with my mama and grandma who nearly laughed to tears), but at the time it was not funny. I'm thinking, what in the heck has she been watching when I'm not at home? See, I told my husband that Family Guy was soooo not appropriate for them.

Anyway, I told my husband about it and he said that something like that happened on a Nickelodeon show the other day. Why Nickelodeon, why? I guess I can't blame them that my children (like most) absorb and repeat everything they hear. For now, I'm going to chop it up to the fact that they will someday be wonderful actors. (Big sigh)

Signed,
The B.A.D.D. Kids' Mom

I can't keep up.

My children keep me busy and they are barely into grade school. My son is in kindergarten while my daughter is in day care, preparing to go to pre-school in the fall. Every couple of weeks I get letters and calendars from both of their teachers letting me know what type of events they have coming up. Yes, it's March and I should have the hang of all this by now, but for some reason I can't keep up with all the pajama days and school spirit days. I feel so bad when I go to drop my child off and everyone else is dressed up but them.

My first instinct was to blame my husband because he fixes their lunch and gets them dressed in the morning, but as my mama and Dr. Phil would tell me, it's not fair blaming him cause it takes two. But, when a teacher asked me "Ohh, you didn't know it was green day?" I could feel the guilt and the blame well up inside me. I work a full time job and run a side business that keeps my week-ends locked up so yes, I forget to look at the calendar and see that green is the color of the day. Are my kids clean? Yes. Are they fed? Yes. Are they healthy and happy? Yes and Yes. That's my priority, but I know that they don't see it that way.

So what do you do when you are so busy? You plan ahead. On Sunday night I look at the upcoming week and plan accordingly. (At least that's the plan.) I had tried waiting the night before, but that just puts me in rush mode. Case in point. I went to a business expo and my husband was at home allllll day. My son's school had been doing a reading month celebration and that week was kind of dedicated to Dr. Seuss and the next day was dress up as your favorite Dr. Seuss character. When I got home I asked my husband if he knew what our son was going to dress up as. He had no clue. Mind you, it's 7:30 pm. (Dr. Phil, are you absolutely sure this isn't his fault?) So, I go into supermom mode and put my thinking cap on. Maybe you can run to Toy's R' Us and get a Cat in the Hat hat. But, how much is that gonna cost, we're on a budget. Then he asked our son what his favorite character was? Thing One from Cat in the Hat, he said and the light bulb went off in my head.

I sent my husband out to the store and I told him to bring me some blue hairspray and the biggest can of holding spray he could find. I wrote on a piece of paper and pinned it to a red shirt and I totally destroyed a wig of mine (now that's love). The blue hairspray looked more like purple so I had to mix some acrylic paints that I had to create the perfect blue. I put the wig in front of a fan overnight and below was his costume for the day.

As you can see, he loved it and I was happy to make him happy. I never want to make him or his sister feel out of place and lets face it, some kids are mean. Can I keep up with all of the different dress up days and school functions? Probably not, but I'll give it the old college try.

What do you do to keep up with your kid's schedule?

I'm officially DONE with Chuck E. Cheese

So for those of you who haven't heard, there was another brawl at a Chuck E. Cheese last night. This makes the third one for the metro Detroit area in the last couple of months. Yeah, I know the economy is on a slow crawl up, people are mad at the world and they just have an attitude for whatever reason, but really? At Chuck E. Cheese? What kind of example is that for our kids?

I haven't taken my kids to one since November, 2010 for a birthday party. If I remember right, it was early Sunday morning, so it was quiet then. But, we went the next week on a Friday after work and it was full of kids and parents behaving badly. Parents weren't watching there kids, they were trying to steal my kid's tickets from the games, they were cursing and being rude (both parents and their kids), so me and my husband decided we would have to find somewhere else to go because Chuck E. Cheese was not it.

Take a look at the coverage from Fox 2 Detroit.

Mich. Family: Grandmother Assaulted at Chuck E. Cheese's: MyFoxDETROIT.com

Unfortunately, we've gotten to the day and age where you can't say anything to anybody for fear of retaliation, but what do you do in a situation like that. Do you tell management, do you leave, or do you go ahead and talk to the people who are causing the problem? Apparently, you only talk to the person causing the issue if you ready for a fight. Chuck E. Cheese is supposed to be a place for children, parents. It ain't about you!

It's crazy that people don't know how to act these days. I would like to assume that people are aware of behavior that is inappropriate, and if they don't have a filter, than they need not go to public places. I stopped going to movie theatres where I had to be patted down a long time ago. I no longer go to restaurants or bars where I'm looking for the nearest exit all night, and now that Chuck E. Cheese obviously needs to higher security, I think it's better that I not subject my kids to pure unfiltered ignorance.

Word to the wise (and I use this term loosely), if you know that your family is not cut out for kid friendly functions, tell them to keep they behinds at home. Please and thank-you.

I still believe in Santa

When I was growing up, Christmas was the best holiday of the year. To me, it was even better than my birthday because everybody had a gift to open. On Christmas Eve, I would sing/recite a poem/play hand bells/usher at the Christmas service and then lay awake in anticipation of the next morning. My parents had a  rule that we couldn't get up before 6 a.m., but please believe at 5:59 me and my brother were at their bedroom door begging and pleading, "Can we go downstairs, now? Pleeeaaaasse." They couldn't even get the complete "yes" out their mouth before we hit the stairs, the rumbling of our feet sounding like it was ten of us instead of just two.Then after the "oh, wow's" and the "look what I got" dances, we would run back up the stairs with what we could carry and dump everything in the bed with our parents because they hadn't got out of bed yet and we were way too excited.

Being a kid on Christmas Day was some of the best times I can remember and I try to recreate that for my kids. Even though I explain to my kids that we give gifts as a celebration of the birth of Jesus (let the church say "Amen"), I still want them to feel the joy I felt when I would see gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. If that means pretending that I didn't see two Santa Clause's in the same mall or that I didn't just hear somebody reveal the secret in a movie, than so be it.

If people don't want their children to believe, that's on them, but don't be a jerk and ruin it for the rest of us who go through the motions of trying to create lasting memories for our kids. It's so much negativity around, from bullying, missing kids, hearing about economic issues and sex scandals on the news everyday, it's about time to bring something good in. You may not think that your kids are paying attention, but they are. My son's kindergarten teacher sent home a newsletter telling parents that this is the time when kids not only observe, but repeat back what they hear, so if there is something we don't want the class to know about, keep it to ourselves (she didn't use those exact words, but I know what she meant).

Let your kids be kids. Stop demanding that they grow up so fast. When I found out the truth about Santa I wasn't mad, I was grateful that I had parents who loved me enough to create a magical world for me. Will the big reveal always go that smoothly? Who knows, depends on the child, but as long as they believe I'm gonna keep it going. I'll get up in the middle of the night and put out gifts and My kids don't really want for much- every time I ask, they keep saying the same two or three items, and I think that's mostly do to the fact that I make time for them. We color, we play the Wii together, I take them to Jungle Java or the playground (weather permitting) and we read together some nights. So while the best gift I could give them is my time, the Santa thing is just extra.  I'm going to continue to create those moments because I'm grateful in Santa's ability to make a child's eyes light up and believe in something that they can physically see. The fact that they are on good behavior for a little while helps, too.

Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas! 

In need of a personal retreat

I need to take a break. A day, a full 24 hours to myself. No husband, no kids, no work, no business, no phone calls, no email, no drama. No cooking, no cleaning, no fussing, no stressing, no planning, no lists. Just me, my music, some good food, ice cream, a couple of good movies, magazines and a good book (something real juicy). I might even take my husband's game (if I can pry it out of his hands) and play Dance Central all night. Ohh, and my karaoke machine and ...wait, I might need two days.

I am often told that I don't know how to relax. I have always tried to be supermom, and I have the Halloween pics to prove it. But, the stress has left me emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted. And I realize that I'm married and I should "share the wealth" as far as responsibilities go, but I'll be the first to admit that I am a control freak and I want things done when I want it and how I want it. Don't judge me.

So I'm thinking that there is no way that I can go on this little "retreat" in my own home. Why? Because it's just not possible. Even if I can manage to send the hubby and kids off to do something for a day, I still won't be able to do something non-house related. There is always something to clean and I just can't concentrate sometimes. I will definitely be getting a room for a night.

The thing that really opened my eyes to needing this mini time out is while I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass, which has been the best free therapy I could have received. On this particular episode they talked about how people need to slow down, because they are on autopilot and not only missing out, but making horrible mistakes. There was one woman who's story broke my heart and I remember hearing about her several years ago when it first happened. She forgot to drop her daughter off at day care and the daughter died from sitting in the back of the hot car for 8 hours. Another man forgot to turn off his wife's car that was sitting in their attached garage and she and their pets died of carbon monoxide poisoning. But, then there was a lady who took a year off from her family because she was so drained that getting away was the only way to get back to being her.

And that's where I began to think about me and my life. Lately, I have felt like I'm rushing all the time. I'm always looking at a clock and everything is always a countdown to something else. By the end of the day I'm exhausted and in the morning it's a struggle to get out the bed. I don't mind working full time while also building up my business and taking care of my family, but I don't want to wear myself thin either. So, I'm hoping that this retreat will be the first of many to help me become more balanced and more appreciative of the moment I'm living now.

I'm also going to allow myself the opportunity to let go of my frustrations, my disappointments, my imperfections, my hurt, my fears and my anger. I'm going to pray, meditate, I might even cry and just deal with me and how to keep myself sane. I can't do nothing for my family or my business if I'm a hot mess. We as parents, spouses and human beings give and give until we are on empty and I am drained. I , whom have always been a positive person, feel a little less hopeful about my relationships because I feel disconnected from everybody. Truth is, I'm disconnected from myself.

I don't know how soon this day of solitude will happen, but I can't wait. This past year was a good year, but it was me who stopped it from being great. I won't make the same mistake twice. I'm taking time out for me.

What would you do with a day all to yourself?

Staying calm under pressure



My son was diagnosed with asthma last November and I've only had to use his nebulizer twice since then. So imagine my surprise when I'm woken up in the middle of the night by a little boy saying, "Mom, I need my medicine RIGHT NOW!" Of course I spring into action putting the nebulizer together while trying to calm him down at the same time. He is so panicked that his breathing becomes close to hyperventilating and he starts coughing up mucus. This makes him panic even more and he starts to cry.

In my mind, I wanted to cry, too, but I knew that I had to be strong so that he could see that everything was going to be okay. After I had his treatment going for a few minutes, I stepped out the bathroom and said a silent prayer (becoming a parent made me pray more than I thought I would) that I could continue to keep it together cause I could tell it was going to be a long night.

According to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, asthma is the most common chronic childhood illness and it affects one out of every 15 children. They also say that it is the leading cause of school absences for children and call-ins for their parents, and is the most common reason for ER visits. 

I can believe that, because that's where I wound up at 3 a.m. After his breathing treatment, his heartbeat was so strong I could hear it with him laying next to me, and his temperature shot up. So I decided to take him to the ER because the whole situation just made me nervous. Plus, lets face it, I was done sleeping that night anyway.

The plan of action was the same as it was the last time he had a flare-up; several days of steroids and breathing treatments every four hours as needed. There are so many factors that can cause an asthma flare-up, but I've pinpointed his to be the change of the weather, with his coughing being worse at night.

The best thing you can do as a parent is do your research and follow your instincts. I actually knew he had asthma before the doctors diagnosed him when comparing notes with friends who's children had it. I even scheduled the appointment with the allergist myself after his doctor said he just had a cold. He did have a cold, but he was holding on to it twice as long as my daughter and I knew that wasn't right. Know what triggers your childs' flare-ups, what the side effects of the drugs given are and pay attention to the patterns.

Its hard for any parent to see their child suffer, especially when it comes to something we take for granted- breathing. But, it's important to ease your child's fears by staying calm and being educated on what to do in an emergency. For more information about asthma in children and to take a asthma IQ test, click here.