Five Words That Will Set You Free

We have family meetings in my house. Usually only once a month just to go over the social calendar for my kids (I don't have much of a social life outside of work and church/choir), to make sure everybody is on the same page and give the kids an opportunity to have the floor and our undivided attention.

But, every now and then I have to call a meeting when things are out of control (at least for me). When clothes and toys are all over the floor, homework isn't being done, library books are overdue, etc, I have to call a meeting to get my troops back in line. I made it known to them that if I ask them to do something and they don't, there will be consequences. I'm not one of those mothers who just threatens either, I back mine up. My son just got his tablet back after not having it the entire summer.

Not only that, but I have to remind my husband that I can't be everywhere at once. You ever ask someone to remind you to do something and they don't and then you have to fuss at them for not remembering to remind you. Yeah, that happens in our house a lot. Threatening a grown man didn't work cause he just gave me side eye. So at our last meeting I decided to be more creative with him.

My husband says that he wants to help take some of the pressure and stress off of me, but it doesn't always work because while I was willing to give him half or part of the responsibility by having him remind me, the control freak in me wasn't willing to let it go completely. So in an effort to let some things go I decided to put these 5 words into my vocabulary: "I'm making it your responsibility."

What that means for me is that I am giving it to him to take care of from start to finish. I am not checking behind him to see if it was done (well, maybe once) and I am freeing myself from the guilt of not being supermom. I make sure that I look him squarely in the eyes, recite my 5 magical words and wait for a response from him, whether it be a laugh, shoulder shrug, eye roll or simple "yes". When I know he has received his challenge I let it go. I don't know if he had been fooling me all this time with his convenient memory loss or he just wants to prove himself, but it has been working so far. Either that, or I've freed myself from it so much that I don't remember what the heck I asked him to do. In any case, there have not been any catastrophes so we're good.

Ok, moms and wives, I challenge you to relinquish some of the control. Start handing out some of the responsibility and tell me how you feel!

Forever loving my BADD Kids,
Rhonda

I am a lunch box rock star

So, we are well into this new school year and other than making sure my children stay on top of their homework assignments, I have become completely obsessed with making sure they eat their lunches. Last year I threw away more food than they ate and I am making it my goal to change that around.

When I was growing up, the lunches were real simple: a sandwich, some fruit, a sweet treat or two and a juice box. You either ate it yourself or upgraded with a trade from a friend. You ate your lunch regardless. But, ohh, not my kids. They would come home with the whole lunch uneaten talking about they were hungry.

So in my effort to trick entice my kids to eat their lunches, I did two things. First, I took my husband off of lunch box duty. No offense, but they just weren't into it. Second, I got creative. With the help of Pinterest, I was inspired to make some pretty nice lunches.


Then, as an added bonus, I was complimented by their teacher on how awesome their lunches looked. It was the very next day after my "Mom Shaming" post so my mom swag went up a notch or two.

Here are a few examples of their lunches:

Ham and cheese kabobs, peaches, carrots and ranch, pretzels and cookies

Bologna sandwich, cheese stick, apples and caramel dip and cookies

Bologna sandwich, pretzels, peaches, fruit snack and cookies

With the exception of a few apples and a sandwich, their containers have come home pretty empty. Either the new, improved lunches are a go, or they are giving me the okeydoke and throwing everything away. In any case, I feel like a better parent because my children are getting the food they need to energize their growing brains.

Let me also add that they only get 20 minutes or so for lunch, which can seem like 5 for those children who can't help but to socialize.

Tell me about your lunchbox experience. Do you have any snack ideas or tips? Let me know.

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda 

Are you guilty of "Mom Shaming"?

So, I'm sure you've heard of dog shaming: when a owner posts a picture of something crazy their pet did. I must admit some of the pics I've seen are kind of funny. Here are a few of my favorites:

Source

Source

Source

Pet shaming is harmless, they don't know what's going on and nobody's feelings are hurt (except the dog, maybe, but they get over it). But, you know what I can't stand and is when people Mom Shame. They make you feel guilty about not being able to do something because of responsibilities at home. It can cause people like me to Mom Shame myself sometimes off of pure guilt that I clearly am not the SuperMom they think I should be.

"But, Rhonda, nobody has taken a picture of you with a sign that reads, 'I let my kids wear the same jeans 3 times in a week as long as they don't stink and are not physically soiled'." No, they have not, thank God, but if you have heard or said any of the following you have been exposed to Mom Shaming:

 "Oh, I didn't invite you because I figured you had to do something with your kids."

 "You get take-out on Wednesdays? We usually save that for the weekends."

 "My children don't eat gluten or monosaturated fats." 

 "We missed you at the last meeting."

 "We were short staffed since you had to call in to take care of your sick child."

 "If you can't be committed, then please re-evaluate your membership."

 "Maybe you'll get to help out at the next fundraiser."

 "Nick's mom let him have a phone."

 "Please check one: Yes, I can help out for the school event in the morning, Yes, I can help out for the school event in the afternoon, No, I am unable to help out at this event or any other because I work."

Okay, so that last one was not worded exactly like that, but that's how I felt. There is a ton of guilt associated with being a mom, especially a working one who has dreams and goals of her own. I am not just a mother of two, I am a wife, a colleague, a dreamer, a writer, a songbird, a visionary, a counselor, and much much more. So while some of the shame is self-inflicted, I have to remind myself of all these complexities that create me. As long as my children are healthy, happy and satisfied, I can rest easy at night and could care less of what anyone thinks about my parenting abilities. Hashtag please go have several seats.

Has anyone every Mom Shamed you? How did you handle it?

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda

Ain't nobody got time for stress

Hey y'all I'm back! I had to take a pause for the cause since stress had been wearing me down. Life has it's stressful moments - I'm a wife, mother, work full time, sing in the choir, do make up and hair on the side and I try to fit my love of writing in there somewhere, not to mention some tiny health issues that slowed me down. I'm exhausted at just typing that out.

But, I'm learning how to deal by taking plenty of breaks along the way. I will admit it has been hard to do. I knew it was time to do so when I was cooking the other day and just could not get it together. My mind was on 10,000 and my body was just all over the place- I dropped raw hamburger meat in dishwater and dropped an egg on the floor. I was tempted to throw my hands up and go get take out, but we were under a winter advisory so I just put my big girl panties on and continued cooking my meal.

When I'm stressed I feel it all throughout my body. I have to loosen my shoulders, which are usually up to my ears by the end of the day. And there are times that my jaws are clenched so tight I have to stop and do jaw movements. But what's a girl to do?

That being said, here are 5 simple things that I do that help me de-stress, even if it's only for a brief moment.

1. Take a bubble bath. The "Calgon take me away" lady knew what she was talking about. A nice, calming bath with soft music playing may be just the mini-vacation (or for some the only vacation) you need. I go all out with mine, candles, music and sometimes wine if it's been that type of day.

2. Do some yoga and breathe. Like I said, I feel stress all throughout my body, so taking some nice deep breaths and stretching those muscles out makes me feel rejuvenated after a long day's work. Or, you can just lay out on the floor for 20 minutes and tell your family you're in corpse pose.

3. Take an hour back. Sometimes I just reclaim my life as my own and I choose to do whatever I want to do for one hour. Whether it's turning up my music and dancing in my room, watching a show via Netflix or faux-shopping on the Internet (that's where I put all the stuff I want in my cart without actually confirming the purchase.) Don't judge me, I'm on a budget.

4. Read a magazine. I would love to say read a book, but let's keep it real, we ain't got time for that. But, flipping through a magazine, looking at the latest makeup and clothing trends makes me happy and I often find inspiration for shopping my closet or a new product I want to try.

5. Mini facial or makeover. I used to give myself a facial every week. Unfortunately, those facials have become few and far between. But, when I need to de-stress I pull out my scrubs and masks and get to work. Or, I play dress up and beat my face for an event that may or may not be happening in the near future.

How do you de-stress? Maybe I can add it to my routine. 

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty!

I might be the only mother who dreads back to school time

I feel the tension in my neck just thinking about it. Drill Sergeant mornings commanding my kids to brush there teeth and get ready for school, packing lunches that barely get eaten, traffic with thousands of parents hitting the streets again, trying to make the drop offs and punch the daily clock on time. Not to mention the back to school sales and lists of recommended school supplies that specify Crayola. (I guess the $1 store brand is out of the question.) Budgets become non existent when the perfect backpack is in mind.

Needless to say, back to school time stresses me out. Where are my moments of singing and jumping in the air like they do on the commercials? Those must be stay-at-home moms cause I don't feel that kind of joy. I'm glad that they are learning and socializing, but getting them to school is more than a notion. I've thought several times about homeschooling, but I don't have the patience for that either. This working mom is trying to figure out how to juggle cooking, homework, baths and one on one time with my kids with the 3 hours of time we'll have together in the evenings (bedtime is 8:30).

The good news is that my kids do wonderfully at school. I've been told they are some of the smartest and well behaved children in there classes, so they make it easy for us as parents.  The even better news is that since they are getting older, they can help out. I'm going to have them help fix their own lunches and pick out their clothes the night before. That should also eliminate the "I can't find my shoes" debacle every morning. We'll get our routine together eventually.

So, I guess I'll start the back to school countdown and lift my imaginary glass of sparkling grape juice (it's too early for wine) and toast it up to another healthy, happy and drama free school year.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
  Rhonda

Is is August already?

Is it just me or is this summer going by way too fast? So I know it's been awhile since my last post, but I have a good excuse...I'm crazy busy. Not that I'm complaining or anything. This is, after all, what I wanted. I said that I would be Super Mom, that I could do all things thru He who strengthens me.

But, I have to be honest. Some days, I ask myself if I should give up on my beauty business and just work my 9-5 and be happy. But, I know me and I would never be content with that. So while I often wake up asking "what the day is?" because I am juggling a husband, 2 kids, a 9-5 job, my business and 4 other projects I got going on, I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world.

During the day I am constantly moving and the cranks in my brain are on super speed thinking about the next project, but when night comes, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

That being said, I'm going to try my best to keep this blog more up to date. My kids are such a big part of my life that I spend more time enjoying the moments rather than recording them. It is my mission to have a good balance of both.

Loving those BADD Kids,
Rhonda

Also, I want to start featuring mothers on the blog every month. Details to come.

I can't keep up.

My children keep me busy and they are barely into grade school. My son is in kindergarten while my daughter is in day care, preparing to go to pre-school in the fall. Every couple of weeks I get letters and calendars from both of their teachers letting me know what type of events they have coming up. Yes, it's March and I should have the hang of all this by now, but for some reason I can't keep up with all the pajama days and school spirit days. I feel so bad when I go to drop my child off and everyone else is dressed up but them.

My first instinct was to blame my husband because he fixes their lunch and gets them dressed in the morning, but as my mama and Dr. Phil would tell me, it's not fair blaming him cause it takes two. But, when a teacher asked me "Ohh, you didn't know it was green day?" I could feel the guilt and the blame well up inside me. I work a full time job and run a side business that keeps my week-ends locked up so yes, I forget to look at the calendar and see that green is the color of the day. Are my kids clean? Yes. Are they fed? Yes. Are they healthy and happy? Yes and Yes. That's my priority, but I know that they don't see it that way.

So what do you do when you are so busy? You plan ahead. On Sunday night I look at the upcoming week and plan accordingly. (At least that's the plan.) I had tried waiting the night before, but that just puts me in rush mode. Case in point. I went to a business expo and my husband was at home allllll day. My son's school had been doing a reading month celebration and that week was kind of dedicated to Dr. Seuss and the next day was dress up as your favorite Dr. Seuss character. When I got home I asked my husband if he knew what our son was going to dress up as. He had no clue. Mind you, it's 7:30 pm. (Dr. Phil, are you absolutely sure this isn't his fault?) So, I go into supermom mode and put my thinking cap on. Maybe you can run to Toy's R' Us and get a Cat in the Hat hat. But, how much is that gonna cost, we're on a budget. Then he asked our son what his favorite character was? Thing One from Cat in the Hat, he said and the light bulb went off in my head.

I sent my husband out to the store and I told him to bring me some blue hairspray and the biggest can of holding spray he could find. I wrote on a piece of paper and pinned it to a red shirt and I totally destroyed a wig of mine (now that's love). The blue hairspray looked more like purple so I had to mix some acrylic paints that I had to create the perfect blue. I put the wig in front of a fan overnight and below was his costume for the day.

As you can see, he loved it and I was happy to make him happy. I never want to make him or his sister feel out of place and lets face it, some kids are mean. Can I keep up with all of the different dress up days and school functions? Probably not, but I'll give it the old college try.

What do you do to keep up with your kid's schedule?

The working mother blues

I am a working mother. As a matter of fact, not only do I work a full time job, but I own my own skin care and makeup business and am frequently taking and teaching classes throughout the year. So to say that I am still getting used to this back to school season is an understatement. I am excited that my son is going to the Big K this year and my daughter is in a new daycare, but I'm not happy about the 5:00 AM wake-ups, fussing at kids to put on shoes and having to make two stops before I get to my final destination. I feel my pressure rise just thinking about it.

But, most of all I feel guilty. I hate that I have to wake my kids up before the rooster even knows it's a new day. Not only that, but I have to leave them at school in latchkey, after all the other kids have gone home. I often wonder what it would be like to be a house wife, or at least a successful business woman who can make my own hours around the care of my children. In the perfect world, I would be Supermom, instead of feeling like the villain when I tell them it's time to go to bed and it's still light outside or when it's time to get up when it's dark.

I recently found a video on care.com's website about the guilt that some working mothers feel. I was glad to see that I'm not alone.




Until my perfect day comes, I guess I better put the kids to bed and go make these sandwiches for their lunches tomorrow. Hope I have jelly.