Love and Marriage: Can Your Spouse Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

Me and hubby

Two things inspired this post. One, Wendy Williams talked about it in her hot topics a couple weeks ago when she revealed that Mary J. Blige and her husband are not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. The second thing is that my husband had a falling out with a friend, who happens to be female.

We are both grown and I tell my husband that I am going to keep it one hundred with him at all times. So, after he told me about the conversation he and his friend had, I told him that I was not sure how I felt about him arguing with another woman. By right, the only one he should have heated discussions with is me.

But, is that fair to say, that's what friends do, right? Sometimes, you disagree and that can cause tension, whether male or female. So is it a trust thing? No, I trust my husband. Am I insecure? If I'm brutally honest, yes, there are times when I am insecure, but I quickly remind myself that I'm fabulous and I get over it.

I was once told, by a male friend of mine by the way, that you can't put two attractive people together for too long before those "feelings" start creeping up. So for that reason, we do not go out to eat alone nor am I invited to his house. These are his rules, and I can respect him for his honesty. We all know that so called friend who is just waiting around for your man/ woman to mess up so that they can swoop up from behind and pick up the broken pieces. It is that "friend" who gives this male/female friendship a bad name.

As with any relationship you have with someone outside of your marriage, I think you have to set boundaries and communicate with your spouse what you are comfortable with. Can they talk on the phone, text, be Facebook friends, hang out, go to each other's family events? These are things you have to be really specific with to save yourself from an argument later.

So can your spouse have friends of the opposite sex? What are some of the rules or boundaries that you both have placed?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids (and my husband),

Rhonda

Five Words That Will Set You Free

We have family meetings in my house. Usually only once a month just to go over the social calendar for my kids (I don't have much of a social life outside of work and church/choir), to make sure everybody is on the same page and give the kids an opportunity to have the floor and our undivided attention.

But, every now and then I have to call a meeting when things are out of control (at least for me). When clothes and toys are all over the floor, homework isn't being done, library books are overdue, etc, I have to call a meeting to get my troops back in line. I made it known to them that if I ask them to do something and they don't, there will be consequences. I'm not one of those mothers who just threatens either, I back mine up. My son just got his tablet back after not having it the entire summer.

Not only that, but I have to remind my husband that I can't be everywhere at once. You ever ask someone to remind you to do something and they don't and then you have to fuss at them for not remembering to remind you. Yeah, that happens in our house a lot. Threatening a grown man didn't work cause he just gave me side eye. So at our last meeting I decided to be more creative with him.

My husband says that he wants to help take some of the pressure and stress off of me, but it doesn't always work because while I was willing to give him half or part of the responsibility by having him remind me, the control freak in me wasn't willing to let it go completely. So in an effort to let some things go I decided to put these 5 words into my vocabulary: "I'm making it your responsibility."

What that means for me is that I am giving it to him to take care of from start to finish. I am not checking behind him to see if it was done (well, maybe once) and I am freeing myself from the guilt of not being supermom. I make sure that I look him squarely in the eyes, recite my 5 magical words and wait for a response from him, whether it be a laugh, shoulder shrug, eye roll or simple "yes". When I know he has received his challenge I let it go. I don't know if he had been fooling me all this time with his convenient memory loss or he just wants to prove himself, but it has been working so far. Either that, or I've freed myself from it so much that I don't remember what the heck I asked him to do. In any case, there have not been any catastrophes so we're good.

Ok, moms and wives, I challenge you to relinquish some of the control. Start handing out some of the responsibility and tell me how you feel!

Forever loving my BADD Kids,
Rhonda

Love and Marriage: Continue to Date Each Other

So when I started writing this post about dating your spouse, I wanted to do some investigating on dating. It's not a term I hear too much these days and I wanted to know if people still do it. I often hear phrases like, "we talking", " we kicking it", "some dude I was messing with", but I hardly ever hear the word "dating". Even though I knew I would see different definitions, I wasn't even ready for the Urban Dictionary, which says it's "a form of prostitution." Say what?!

Have we lost sight of what it means to actually break bread, laugh, talk, get to know somebody before any prostitution like thoughts are had? So clearly, dating means different thing to different people.

My personal definition of dating is two people, sharing an experience that lets them get to know each other better, sharing their dreams, wishes and aspirations with, and getting to know one another on an emotional, spiritual and physical level.

It's no mystery that people change. They mature, or life in general happens and it changes their views on life. Not only that, but when you add in the daily pressure of work, bills, husband, wife, kids, house and car, life can get in the way and you look up and not only don't recognize the person you married, but you don't even recognize yourself. That's why it's so important to continue to date each other, even years after you say "I do."

So here's two of my favorite date night ideas. One is from Find Joy in the Journey Blog and the other is from Life in the Greenhouse Blog, both of which I stumbled upon on Pinterest.

12 Months of Dates- Find Joy in the Journey

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How it Works: Basically, you have 12 envelopes, one for each month. Inside each envelope is a pre-planned and sometimes pre-paid date. They are a mix of at home, out on the town and even one out of town date and you and your spouse open the envelope together at the beginning of the month, choose a day, and enjoy the fun. (You can plan the out of town date for your anniversary month.)
Why it Works: I love that feeling of anticipation. And nothing is better than anticipating some alone time with your boo. It gives you something to look forward to. Plus, you and your mate come together and plan, instead of leaving it up to one person.


Date Night Jar- Life in the Greenhouse

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How it Works: Take about 15-20 big popsicle sticks, color code them with one color for stay at home dates, one color for more planned out and expensive dates and one color for less expensive but still planned out dates. Whenever the feeling hits, decide on a budget, pull a color coordinated stick and have wonderful date night.
Why it Works: Hopefully, you have already come together and decided what date goes with what budget and it's as simple as picking a stick. Also, you don't have to have that "what do you want to do, I don't know what do you want to do conversation", which by the way, I absolutely hate.

Of course there are tons of other date night ideas you can incorporate into your relationship, these were just my favorites. Plus, they're easy to do.

Another site you can check out is The Dating Divas, they have literally tons of ideas. I love their tagline: "Strengthening marriages one date at a time", because that's exactly what dating your spouse does. 

So, tell me, what are some of your favorite date night ideas? Would you ever incorporate a date night envelope or jar to your routine? I want to know all the juicy details (well, not all), but yes, do share.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids, (and my husband, too),
Rhonda