Are you guilty of "Mom Shaming"?

So, I'm sure you've heard of dog shaming: when a owner posts a picture of something crazy their pet did. I must admit some of the pics I've seen are kind of funny. Here are a few of my favorites:

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Pet shaming is harmless, they don't know what's going on and nobody's feelings are hurt (except the dog, maybe, but they get over it). But, you know what I can't stand and is when people Mom Shame. They make you feel guilty about not being able to do something because of responsibilities at home. It can cause people like me to Mom Shame myself sometimes off of pure guilt that I clearly am not the SuperMom they think I should be.

"But, Rhonda, nobody has taken a picture of you with a sign that reads, 'I let my kids wear the same jeans 3 times in a week as long as they don't stink and are not physically soiled'." No, they have not, thank God, but if you have heard or said any of the following you have been exposed to Mom Shaming:

 "Oh, I didn't invite you because I figured you had to do something with your kids."

 "You get take-out on Wednesdays? We usually save that for the weekends."

 "My children don't eat gluten or monosaturated fats." 

 "We missed you at the last meeting."

 "We were short staffed since you had to call in to take care of your sick child."

 "If you can't be committed, then please re-evaluate your membership."

 "Maybe you'll get to help out at the next fundraiser."

 "Nick's mom let him have a phone."

 "Please check one: Yes, I can help out for the school event in the morning, Yes, I can help out for the school event in the afternoon, No, I am unable to help out at this event or any other because I work."

Okay, so that last one was not worded exactly like that, but that's how I felt. There is a ton of guilt associated with being a mom, especially a working one who has dreams and goals of her own. I am not just a mother of two, I am a wife, a colleague, a dreamer, a writer, a songbird, a visionary, a counselor, and much much more. So while some of the shame is self-inflicted, I have to remind myself of all these complexities that create me. As long as my children are healthy, happy and satisfied, I can rest easy at night and could care less of what anyone thinks about my parenting abilities. Hashtag please go have several seats.

Has anyone every Mom Shamed you? How did you handle it?

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda

Before and After Kids- A Mother's Reflection

There's a picture I have on my bookshelf with me and my friends from a party circa 2004. My hair was a little bit shorter, my nails were done and I was probably a size or two smaller. I don't remember much about that night and if it weren't for the picture I probably wouldn't even have thought twice about it. It just made me think about how life BK (before kids) was and how it seems like such a distant memory. The picture was a year before I got the title of "mommy", but I just wanted to share some ways my life has changed since then.

Y'all know about that club pose, don't front.- 2004

College Graduation- Dec. 2003

My baby shower Oct. 2005

Before Kids:
- My girl would call me up, last minute, sometimes after midnight to go hang out and I would be up and out the door. Now- there are no calls after midnight. There are no calls after 10 for that matter.

-I would hang out/ party at least once a month. Now- I still party, but it's usually in the company of babies and grade schoolers- a lot of them.

-Sleeping in meant getting up around 10 or 11. Now- sleeping in doesn't exist, these kids are up at 7:30 every morning.

-I would go the restroom alone. Now-  they want to hold family meetings when I'm on the porcelain throne.

-Going out to eat was a normal, everyday thing. Now- there has to be a budget/ coupon/ 2 for 1 special to feed my family of 4.

- I felt cute and sexy 80% of the time. Now- I find it hard to come out of "mommy mode" for some grown and sexy time. (Sorry hubby).

- I didn't even like kids. Now- I still don't. I love my children dearly.

- If I was sick, I would lay down and sleep it off. Now- moms don't get sick.

- On my days off, you could find me at the mall, at a restaurant or at the movies. Now- A day off from work just means a day on for housework and errands. In other words, moms don't get off days either.

- Date night was nothing but fun. Now- date night can be stressful when you have to find a babysitter, spend money you don't have on a movie that you may or may not like or fall asleep on.

- I could finish a meal with no interruptions. Now- yeah right.

I never knew that these little people could control my life in this way. Now- I can't imagine my life without them.

July 4th, 2014

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. kids,
Rhonda

A Mother's Day Reflection



I was 24 when I had my first child. It was two years almost to the day from graduating from college and I had not yet found that "dream job" I had been hoping for. But, the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I was being called for a greater purpose.

It didn't come easy because I had a more than difficult pregnancy and a traumatic delivery, but once I held my son in my arms, all that didn't matter anymore. Then, during a moment of amnesia I suppose, I turned around and went through the whole ordeal again 2 years later.

I like to contribute my growth as a person to being a mother. I have always been responsible and a mother like figure, but when I became a mother I realized that it wasn't about me anymore. Everything I did from that point on was going to effect my children in some form or fashion so I had to change my point of view.

Through these nearly 7 years of motherhood, I have learned a lot about myself and sometimes when it gets overwhelming I reflect back on the things I know will help me along the way. Here are a few of my favorite quotes about motherhood that reign true in my life.

                   "Everything good about me, came from my mom. If I can be half the mother that she
                    is, I will consider Motherhood a success..."    -Unknown

                    "The greatest thing she'd learned over the years is that there's no way to be a perfect
                     mother, but a million ways to be a good one."    -Unknown

                     "The best part of being a mom is when I see my kids genuinely happy about
                     everything."   -Unknown

                     "Being a mother is the hardest job on earth."   -Oprah

                     "You know you're a mother when the smallest whimper from your child can wake you
                      from a deep sleep."      -Linda Poindexter



One of the things that I have figured out about myself since becoming a mom is that I have an exceptional amount of emotional strength and my faith is beyond my own comprehension. Of course, I learned from the best. Everything I know about motherly love came from my own Mama and Grandma.

So to them and every mother out there I say keep up the good work. Happy Mother's Day!