10 things I learned as a mother

I hope that everyone's Mother's Day is blessed and filled with lots of love and relaxation. I, being the type of person who doesn't know how to truly relax, decided to write this post instead.

During my journey through motherhood there have been somethings that I have learned along the way. Here are a few, in no particular order.

-Once kids learn the word "mama", they never stop using it.
-No 2 children are created equally. (My first born is quiet as a mouse, second born doesn't know the meaning of using your "inside voice".
-Didn't know that my mother would take such joy in seeing me fuss at my own kids with one simple word: "payback".
-Once the kids came into the picture, I was now a non-factor.
-Didn't know that kids as little as 4 and 7 could talk themselves out of being in trouble.
-I never believed my parents when they would say that they punished me because they loved me until becoming a mother
-Motherly instincts are real and you would do any and everything to protect them.
-My children would run my life.
-I wouldn't mind them running my life because my life is totally about them now.
-My children are closer to me than my skin and that's where I always want them to be.

Mother's Day is bittersweet because although I am blessed to still have my mama, there are some who are not as fortunate. Whatever your situation, be thankful for the mother/mother figures you've ever had in your life because whether you realize it or not, that relationship has been vital to the person that you are today.

Happy Mother's Day!
In remembrance of Annie Pearl Davis. Love you, Grandma!


Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

Love and Marriage... The Couples Retreat

Last weekend my husband and I went to a couples retreat held by Anspire Ministries. It was 2 days of laughing and learning and we absolutely had a wonderful time. We were invited by Chaplain Portia Lockett, who co-hosted the event with Dr. Velva Burley Flowers. First, let me say that if it is possible for you and your partner to go on a retreat, run  (don't walk) and make it happen because retreats are in existence for a reason. Couples need to get away from the day to day grind every now and then and remember the reason they are together in the first place. My husband and I definitely need a refreshers course so this came right on time.

This was our first time ever going to something like this, so I was just a tad apprehensive. Why? I didn't want to tell all my business (says the girl who has a blog) and all I could think about was that episode of Martin where he and Gina went to a retreat and they kept getting put in time out.


But, despite my preconceived notions, I kept an open mind and thank God it was nothing like this (though there was the occasional eye roll). So I am definitely a believer.

The weekend was held at Roberts Riverwalk Hotel & Residence, which is right on the Detroit Riverwalk, of course, and that alone made the scenery beautiful and serene. We checked in, received favor bags that included a ton of stuff including a bottle of sparkling juice and some bedroom goodies that were so unique they made some of the couples blush. But, the title of the retreat was "Revive ...The Passion", so I was not mad at that.

Over the course of the week-end we heard from some wonderful speakers who gave us some great info about finances, The 5 Love Languages and a workshop on rewriting the 4th step of marriage (which was pretty much steps on how to communicate better) given by relationship specialists Jesse Johnson and Melva Thomas Johnson, who have been married and working together for over 30 years. Find out more about them and their work on their website.

Of course it wasn't all business, there was a lot of fun, too. There was an early morning yoga class on Saturday morning and that night after the workshop we had a Date Night. This included a hype and hilarious game of musical chairs followed by ballroom dancing. Now, you may be thinking that playing musical chairs is a little juvenile, but if you get a group of fun loving (and might I add competitive) people together it doesn't matter what you play, you are guaranteed to have a good time. And for my FB friends that saw my post about my husband learning how to ballroom, you all understand my excitement. My husband has always been the one who DOES NOT DANCE, so for him to finally do it, it was a big deal to me. (There's hope for him after all.)

Overall, the week-end was awesome and I can't wait till the next one.

Have you ever been to a couples retreat? What was your experience?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. kids (and my husband),
    Rhonda

Love and Marriage...It's Complicated

So I know that this blog is supposed to be dedicated to my kids and the ups and downs of motherhood, but I have been feeling the need to write about something lately that should come as no surprise...marriage is hard. I have a series in mind, I don't know what I'm going to call it, or exactly what I want to say about it, but I feel it quite necessary in my life right now. The majority of conversations I have with people (other than hair and make-up) is about relationships. Now, I am in no way, shape or form claiming to be a master of relationships because if I was, I wouldn't be going thru the flux myself. What I am saying however is that if this relationship was a paying job, I would be making six figures as the founder and CEO for my 17 years of experience in the field. Bam!

The reason I neglected to write about my relationship before is because: 1- I don't like putting my business out there when it comes to my marriage and 2- revert back to reason #1. But, as a  person whose been in a relationship for a long time, I realize that sometimes you just have to get 'ish off your chest. Out of respect for myself and my husband I won't give details, but I will talk about some of the solutions that we have tried: some have worked, some haven't. I have learned that just like motherhood, relationships are trial and error and the only thing you strive for day to day is to not cause bodily harm not hurt any one's feelings.

I think that people who see us from the outside looking in think that we have the picture perfect life- which is how it should look- everybody at your job should not know every argument you and your spouse have on a daily basis.Those who are closest to us know that even we struggle when it comes to our family life. You have to work hard to stay on #teamstaytogether.

I'm a nerd, which I have been very open about in my life time, so I have read many a book about relationships. Some people may loathe the self-help section, but I welcome it. I've read both of Steve Harvey's books, T. D. Jakes, Joel Osteen, a book called "How to Love a Black Man" (I know, don't judge me), and some others I can't remember the titles too.  But, the best self-help book you can find out there is the Bible. You better snuggle up to it on the regular because you gone need it if you plan on having a strong and healthy relationship (whether it be with yourself, your friends and family or your man), and that's real talk.

I don't know about you, but I rather hear the trials of someone who has tried, stumbled a little and got themselves together rather than someone who pretends that their life is perfect and they make no mistakes. So here's to the first of many love and marriage entries and to happy and healthy relationships.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. kids,
 Rhonda

My daughter said the "S" word and I almost fainted

There I was minding my business when she said it out of the blue: "Mama, you and my daddy have sex." It wasn't even a question. It was a statement, like she knew without a doubt she was telling on me to myself.

It took me a minute to register what she had said but once I did, I was literally lost for words. This girl is 4 years old. In what world is it okay for her to ask me about sex at such a young age? That's it, no more TV!

I had always said that I would talk to my children about sex before they hit puberty so that they wouldn't be out in the world uninformed and experimenting on their own, but today was not supposed to be that day.

So after I asked her where did she hear about that from and hoping with all my soul that she didn't hear us during a "marital encounter", I just explained to her that "that" is something that married people do and she doesn't have to worry about it for a long time. I also explained to her that sex is not something that children talk about.

Yes, it was the cowards way out but I couldn't even think of anything else to say. That should buy me another couple of years, at least until I'm ready to have the real talk.

What do you think, was my approach right or did I miss an important teaching moment? What would you have done?

We need to pray for our children

There are a lot of families in mourning today. As I watched the coverage of the Connecticut school shootings and read the articles over the week-end, I tried to write this post, but the tears took over and I had to take a pause. Unfortunately, mass shootings and crazy people with guns have become the norm with morning news, but this one hit home for me because I am a mother and my heart aches for the children and teachers that were lost during this horrible event. I can not imagine the pain that these parents, teachers and the community as a whole are going through. I pray for them and their strength.

As a Christian I try to find that light in the middle of the darkness, but I find it hard to do when the children lost were innocent bystanders. What light, except for the heroic actions taken by students and staff can be found in this? And now parents have to live without their children and try to explain to those who survived how and why something like this could happen.

So, I used this tragedy as a teaching moment and I told my children the same thing again I told them before and I explained to them that while they are safe, we tell them these things just in case, just like the firefighter came to their school and told them what to do if there is a fire. My son didn't understand why I won't buy him any toy guns or let him play violent video games. I told him that pretending to shoot someone should not be any child's ideal of fun. There are other things to do. I have also told him and his sister that if they ever see a gun or somebody with a gun, go get an adult- do not touch it, don't let anybody else touch it, pick it up or play with it. Get away from it as quickly as possible because guns are dangerous and they hurt people.  I also took the opportunity to re-tell them about strangers and just explain to them that there are some bad people in the world and if somebody ever tried to give them candy or show them a puppy, or touched them in any way while I was not in their sight, they are to scream, kick and fight because no one should be talking to them without my permission. I kept it short and sweet, but it made me realize that this is not just a one time conversation. This is something that kids should be told continuously.

I was at work when the news broke and their was a little girl, probably around 4 or so, and she saw all the commotion on TV and she asked who I can assume was her dad, "What's going on on TV?" And his reply was, "Oh, that's were them kids got killed." After I picked my jaw up off the floor and he was out of earshot, my co-worker and I had some not very nice words to say about him. What an insensitive, shocking and straight up ignorant thing to say to anyone, let alone a little child. I cant believe how immune and de-sensitized some people have become. I can't say that I soak in every bit of bad news I hear, but when it comes to 20 children being killed in this magnitude, I can't help but to open my heart up to that.

There are many conversations being had today about the safety of our kids' schools. I am confident in my children's safety. I would never have them go somewhere where I didn't feel they were safe. Bad things can happen anywhere: schools, movie theatres, churches, and we have to do more than just be cautious and prepared, we have to be prayed up. I pray for my children all the time because they are closer to me than my skin. I don't want to become one of those overprotective, overbearing parents but it's times like these when you don't want to let them out of your sight. I want them to be able to live a normal life without fear, so whenever I can't protect them, I have the up most faith that the Lord will.

Times have definitely changed since I was in school and our children are dealing with so many things we didn't have to deal with. We have to be there for them. talk to them, hug them, tell them we love them. Don't ignore the signs of fear and depression, hoping that they will "grow out of it". We have already seen what denial can do. Let's stop brushing things under the rug and start having those uncomfortable conversations with our children. And after we continue to have those conversations, we have to be sensitive to there needs and above all, never stop praying.

Positively loving my Beautiful And Delightfully Dynamic Kids,
                                                  Rhonda

Just a little advise for when motherhood gets hard

(This is a re-post from Mich Moms blog published 2009.)

Whenever I go to a baby shower, I usually sign the card with something like this: “There is nothing more fulfilling, scary, astonishing and overwhelming than being a mother. Remember to enjoy the good moments but, take the not so good ones in stride.” Lately, I’ve come to realize that it’s important to tell a mother this whether her child is a new born or grown with their own kids. There are a few mothers that I know (and probably some that I don’t know) who need to be uplifted.

I know it’s hard being a mother and being heartbroken over what your child has done. Mothers feel responsible for their children and tend to carry the guilt of their children’s failures on their shoulders. Not only that, but society is quick to fault mothers too. I myself have said that a child had no home training when I saw them being unruly in public.

Carrying all that weight is a heavy burden to bear. Just try to remember that although there will be times that are scary and overwhelming, letting the good outweigh the bad is what will bring the fulfillment. There is no one proven way in raising a child that will guarantee their success. If there was, please believe that whatever forms the info came in, whether book, DVD, or lecture, it would be sold out on a continuous basis.

You can be a straight laced, bible toter or a laid back “I want my child to be my friend” type of parent and the outcome is still unknown. All we can do as mothers is raise our children with love and pray that when they are coming into adult hood, we have given them enough compassion and understanding of how the world works, that they will make the right decisions. And if not, that’s okay, because we will still be there to help guide them along the way. We just have to remember that there is a fine line between guidance and total take over.

So to every mother who has had their bumps in the road and mountains to climb, stay in a positive mind and take it all in stride. 

Cooking with the Kids- Icebox Cake

My new favorite website/ social networking site/ addiction right now is Pinterest. There are so many fun and creative things to do on there. My favorite boards are the DIY/Crafts, Food & Drink, Home Decor and Kids. It's funny that a few months ago I didn't even know what the heck the website was, but now I'm pinning and actually trying the food and activities that I repin.

So, one of the things I did a couple of weeks ago was, I made a Strawberry Ice Box Cake with my kids. The original post came from So How's It Taste website and the pic to follow is from there as well. After I cut up the strawberries I put my son on strawberry duty, my daughter on graham cracker duty and I did the whipped topping and chocolate topping. Not only did it taste great, but my kids had fun too.

Do you have any recipes you make with your kids?

   

No-Bake Strawberry Icebox Cake

adapted from The Kitchn
makes 12 servings

ingredients:

3 lbs. fresh strawberries, sliced
2 (8 oz.) tubs fat-free whipped topping (or use regular or light)
1 (14.4 oz.) box graham crackers
1/4 cup milk chocolate chip morsels

directions:

1. Spread a small amount of whipped topping on the bottom of a 9x13-inch baking pan. Place 5 graham cracker sheets down the middle and break 2 more sheets into crackers to fit down the sides. Lightly cover the top of the graham crackers with more whipped topping and then a layer of sliced strawberries. Repeat three times, until you have four layers of graham crackers (you may be a few crackers short on the top layer, but that's ok). You'll end with a layer of strawberries on top.

2. Place milk chocolate chip morsels in a plastic bag. Microwave in 10 second intervals until melted. Snip the end of the plastic bag and drizzle chocolate over top of cake.

3. Refrigerate covered for at least four hours, or until the crackers have softened completely. Cake will last well for two days. It will still be good on the third day, but the strawberries will start to get juicy and leak into the whipped topping. It will still taste good, but it won't be as pretty.