Pretend play is no joke sometimes

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While I was braiding my hair this past week-end, my kids were at liberty to do pretty much whatever they wanted. Mommy can we watch a movie? Yes. Mommy can we play with playdoh? Yes. Mommy I'm pretending that I'm having a baby. Say what, now?! That last one kind of had me shook. It was coming from my 3 year old.

I had been listening to my daughter as she told my son, "I need to go to the hospital", and he in turn jumped in the recliner and pretended to speed though the streets, and burn rubber at every turn. But, what I was not prepared for was my daughter pretending to get out of a car, wobbling and holding her belly. I asked her what they were doing and that's when the statement that stopped me in my tracks came along.

Of course, I can laugh about it now, ( which I have several times with my mama and grandma who nearly laughed to tears), but at the time it was not funny. I'm thinking, what in the heck has she been watching when I'm not at home? See, I told my husband that Family Guy was soooo not appropriate for them.

Anyway, I told my husband about it and he said that something like that happened on a Nickelodeon show the other day. Why Nickelodeon, why? I guess I can't blame them that my children (like most) absorb and repeat everything they hear. For now, I'm going to chop it up to the fact that they will someday be wonderful actors. (Big sigh)

Signed,
The B.A.D.D. Kids' Mom

I can't keep up.

My children keep me busy and they are barely into grade school. My son is in kindergarten while my daughter is in day care, preparing to go to pre-school in the fall. Every couple of weeks I get letters and calendars from both of their teachers letting me know what type of events they have coming up. Yes, it's March and I should have the hang of all this by now, but for some reason I can't keep up with all the pajama days and school spirit days. I feel so bad when I go to drop my child off and everyone else is dressed up but them.

My first instinct was to blame my husband because he fixes their lunch and gets them dressed in the morning, but as my mama and Dr. Phil would tell me, it's not fair blaming him cause it takes two. But, when a teacher asked me "Ohh, you didn't know it was green day?" I could feel the guilt and the blame well up inside me. I work a full time job and run a side business that keeps my week-ends locked up so yes, I forget to look at the calendar and see that green is the color of the day. Are my kids clean? Yes. Are they fed? Yes. Are they healthy and happy? Yes and Yes. That's my priority, but I know that they don't see it that way.

So what do you do when you are so busy? You plan ahead. On Sunday night I look at the upcoming week and plan accordingly. (At least that's the plan.) I had tried waiting the night before, but that just puts me in rush mode. Case in point. I went to a business expo and my husband was at home allllll day. My son's school had been doing a reading month celebration and that week was kind of dedicated to Dr. Seuss and the next day was dress up as your favorite Dr. Seuss character. When I got home I asked my husband if he knew what our son was going to dress up as. He had no clue. Mind you, it's 7:30 pm. (Dr. Phil, are you absolutely sure this isn't his fault?) So, I go into supermom mode and put my thinking cap on. Maybe you can run to Toy's R' Us and get a Cat in the Hat hat. But, how much is that gonna cost, we're on a budget. Then he asked our son what his favorite character was? Thing One from Cat in the Hat, he said and the light bulb went off in my head.

I sent my husband out to the store and I told him to bring me some blue hairspray and the biggest can of holding spray he could find. I wrote on a piece of paper and pinned it to a red shirt and I totally destroyed a wig of mine (now that's love). The blue hairspray looked more like purple so I had to mix some acrylic paints that I had to create the perfect blue. I put the wig in front of a fan overnight and below was his costume for the day.

As you can see, he loved it and I was happy to make him happy. I never want to make him or his sister feel out of place and lets face it, some kids are mean. Can I keep up with all of the different dress up days and school functions? Probably not, but I'll give it the old college try.

What do you do to keep up with your kid's schedule?

I'm officially DONE with Chuck E. Cheese

So for those of you who haven't heard, there was another brawl at a Chuck E. Cheese last night. This makes the third one for the metro Detroit area in the last couple of months. Yeah, I know the economy is on a slow crawl up, people are mad at the world and they just have an attitude for whatever reason, but really? At Chuck E. Cheese? What kind of example is that for our kids?

I haven't taken my kids to one since November, 2010 for a birthday party. If I remember right, it was early Sunday morning, so it was quiet then. But, we went the next week on a Friday after work and it was full of kids and parents behaving badly. Parents weren't watching there kids, they were trying to steal my kid's tickets from the games, they were cursing and being rude (both parents and their kids), so me and my husband decided we would have to find somewhere else to go because Chuck E. Cheese was not it.

Take a look at the coverage from Fox 2 Detroit.

Mich. Family: Grandmother Assaulted at Chuck E. Cheese's: MyFoxDETROIT.com

Unfortunately, we've gotten to the day and age where you can't say anything to anybody for fear of retaliation, but what do you do in a situation like that. Do you tell management, do you leave, or do you go ahead and talk to the people who are causing the problem? Apparently, you only talk to the person causing the issue if you ready for a fight. Chuck E. Cheese is supposed to be a place for children, parents. It ain't about you!

It's crazy that people don't know how to act these days. I would like to assume that people are aware of behavior that is inappropriate, and if they don't have a filter, than they need not go to public places. I stopped going to movie theatres where I had to be patted down a long time ago. I no longer go to restaurants or bars where I'm looking for the nearest exit all night, and now that Chuck E. Cheese obviously needs to higher security, I think it's better that I not subject my kids to pure unfiltered ignorance.

Word to the wise (and I use this term loosely), if you know that your family is not cut out for kid friendly functions, tell them to keep they behinds at home. Please and thank-you.

I still believe in Santa

When I was growing up, Christmas was the best holiday of the year. To me, it was even better than my birthday because everybody had a gift to open. On Christmas Eve, I would sing/recite a poem/play hand bells/usher at the Christmas service and then lay awake in anticipation of the next morning. My parents had a  rule that we couldn't get up before 6 a.m., but please believe at 5:59 me and my brother were at their bedroom door begging and pleading, "Can we go downstairs, now? Pleeeaaaasse." They couldn't even get the complete "yes" out their mouth before we hit the stairs, the rumbling of our feet sounding like it was ten of us instead of just two.Then after the "oh, wow's" and the "look what I got" dances, we would run back up the stairs with what we could carry and dump everything in the bed with our parents because they hadn't got out of bed yet and we were way too excited.

Being a kid on Christmas Day was some of the best times I can remember and I try to recreate that for my kids. Even though I explain to my kids that we give gifts as a celebration of the birth of Jesus (let the church say "Amen"), I still want them to feel the joy I felt when I would see gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. If that means pretending that I didn't see two Santa Clause's in the same mall or that I didn't just hear somebody reveal the secret in a movie, than so be it.

If people don't want their children to believe, that's on them, but don't be a jerk and ruin it for the rest of us who go through the motions of trying to create lasting memories for our kids. It's so much negativity around, from bullying, missing kids, hearing about economic issues and sex scandals on the news everyday, it's about time to bring something good in. You may not think that your kids are paying attention, but they are. My son's kindergarten teacher sent home a newsletter telling parents that this is the time when kids not only observe, but repeat back what they hear, so if there is something we don't want the class to know about, keep it to ourselves (she didn't use those exact words, but I know what she meant).

Let your kids be kids. Stop demanding that they grow up so fast. When I found out the truth about Santa I wasn't mad, I was grateful that I had parents who loved me enough to create a magical world for me. Will the big reveal always go that smoothly? Who knows, depends on the child, but as long as they believe I'm gonna keep it going. I'll get up in the middle of the night and put out gifts and My kids don't really want for much- every time I ask, they keep saying the same two or three items, and I think that's mostly do to the fact that I make time for them. We color, we play the Wii together, I take them to Jungle Java or the playground (weather permitting) and we read together some nights. So while the best gift I could give them is my time, the Santa thing is just extra.  I'm going to continue to create those moments because I'm grateful in Santa's ability to make a child's eyes light up and believe in something that they can physically see. The fact that they are on good behavior for a little while helps, too.

Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas! 

In need of a personal retreat

I need to take a break. A day, a full 24 hours to myself. No husband, no kids, no work, no business, no phone calls, no email, no drama. No cooking, no cleaning, no fussing, no stressing, no planning, no lists. Just me, my music, some good food, ice cream, a couple of good movies, magazines and a good book (something real juicy). I might even take my husband's game (if I can pry it out of his hands) and play Dance Central all night. Ohh, and my karaoke machine and ...wait, I might need two days.

I am often told that I don't know how to relax. I have always tried to be supermom, and I have the Halloween pics to prove it. But, the stress has left me emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted. And I realize that I'm married and I should "share the wealth" as far as responsibilities go, but I'll be the first to admit that I am a control freak and I want things done when I want it and how I want it. Don't judge me.

So I'm thinking that there is no way that I can go on this little "retreat" in my own home. Why? Because it's just not possible. Even if I can manage to send the hubby and kids off to do something for a day, I still won't be able to do something non-house related. There is always something to clean and I just can't concentrate sometimes. I will definitely be getting a room for a night.

The thing that really opened my eyes to needing this mini time out is while I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass, which has been the best free therapy I could have received. On this particular episode they talked about how people need to slow down, because they are on autopilot and not only missing out, but making horrible mistakes. There was one woman who's story broke my heart and I remember hearing about her several years ago when it first happened. She forgot to drop her daughter off at day care and the daughter died from sitting in the back of the hot car for 8 hours. Another man forgot to turn off his wife's car that was sitting in their attached garage and she and their pets died of carbon monoxide poisoning. But, then there was a lady who took a year off from her family because she was so drained that getting away was the only way to get back to being her.

And that's where I began to think about me and my life. Lately, I have felt like I'm rushing all the time. I'm always looking at a clock and everything is always a countdown to something else. By the end of the day I'm exhausted and in the morning it's a struggle to get out the bed. I don't mind working full time while also building up my business and taking care of my family, but I don't want to wear myself thin either. So, I'm hoping that this retreat will be the first of many to help me become more balanced and more appreciative of the moment I'm living now.

I'm also going to allow myself the opportunity to let go of my frustrations, my disappointments, my imperfections, my hurt, my fears and my anger. I'm going to pray, meditate, I might even cry and just deal with me and how to keep myself sane. I can't do nothing for my family or my business if I'm a hot mess. We as parents, spouses and human beings give and give until we are on empty and I am drained. I , whom have always been a positive person, feel a little less hopeful about my relationships because I feel disconnected from everybody. Truth is, I'm disconnected from myself.

I don't know how soon this day of solitude will happen, but I can't wait. This past year was a good year, but it was me who stopped it from being great. I won't make the same mistake twice. I'm taking time out for me.

What would you do with a day all to yourself?

Staying calm under pressure



My son was diagnosed with asthma last November and I've only had to use his nebulizer twice since then. So imagine my surprise when I'm woken up in the middle of the night by a little boy saying, "Mom, I need my medicine RIGHT NOW!" Of course I spring into action putting the nebulizer together while trying to calm him down at the same time. He is so panicked that his breathing becomes close to hyperventilating and he starts coughing up mucus. This makes him panic even more and he starts to cry.

In my mind, I wanted to cry, too, but I knew that I had to be strong so that he could see that everything was going to be okay. After I had his treatment going for a few minutes, I stepped out the bathroom and said a silent prayer (becoming a parent made me pray more than I thought I would) that I could continue to keep it together cause I could tell it was going to be a long night.

According to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, asthma is the most common chronic childhood illness and it affects one out of every 15 children. They also say that it is the leading cause of school absences for children and call-ins for their parents, and is the most common reason for ER visits. 

I can believe that, because that's where I wound up at 3 a.m. After his breathing treatment, his heartbeat was so strong I could hear it with him laying next to me, and his temperature shot up. So I decided to take him to the ER because the whole situation just made me nervous. Plus, lets face it, I was done sleeping that night anyway.

The plan of action was the same as it was the last time he had a flare-up; several days of steroids and breathing treatments every four hours as needed. There are so many factors that can cause an asthma flare-up, but I've pinpointed his to be the change of the weather, with his coughing being worse at night.

The best thing you can do as a parent is do your research and follow your instincts. I actually knew he had asthma before the doctors diagnosed him when comparing notes with friends who's children had it. I even scheduled the appointment with the allergist myself after his doctor said he just had a cold. He did have a cold, but he was holding on to it twice as long as my daughter and I knew that wasn't right. Know what triggers your childs' flare-ups, what the side effects of the drugs given are and pay attention to the patterns.

Its hard for any parent to see their child suffer, especially when it comes to something we take for granted- breathing. But, it's important to ease your child's fears by staying calm and being educated on what to do in an emergency. For more information about asthma in children and to take a asthma IQ test, click here.

 

 

The working mother blues

I am a working mother. As a matter of fact, not only do I work a full time job, but I own my own skin care and makeup business and am frequently taking and teaching classes throughout the year. So to say that I am still getting used to this back to school season is an understatement. I am excited that my son is going to the Big K this year and my daughter is in a new daycare, but I'm not happy about the 5:00 AM wake-ups, fussing at kids to put on shoes and having to make two stops before I get to my final destination. I feel my pressure rise just thinking about it.

But, most of all I feel guilty. I hate that I have to wake my kids up before the rooster even knows it's a new day. Not only that, but I have to leave them at school in latchkey, after all the other kids have gone home. I often wonder what it would be like to be a house wife, or at least a successful business woman who can make my own hours around the care of my children. In the perfect world, I would be Supermom, instead of feeling like the villain when I tell them it's time to go to bed and it's still light outside or when it's time to get up when it's dark.

I recently found a video on care.com's website about the guilt that some working mothers feel. I was glad to see that I'm not alone.




Until my perfect day comes, I guess I better put the kids to bed and go make these sandwiches for their lunches tomorrow. Hope I have jelly.