Love and Marriage: Can Your Spouse Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

Me and hubby

Two things inspired this post. One, Wendy Williams talked about it in her hot topics a couple weeks ago when she revealed that Mary J. Blige and her husband are not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. The second thing is that my husband had a falling out with a friend, who happens to be female.

We are both grown and I tell my husband that I am going to keep it one hundred with him at all times. So, after he told me about the conversation he and his friend had, I told him that I was not sure how I felt about him arguing with another woman. By right, the only one he should have heated discussions with is me.

But, is that fair to say, that's what friends do, right? Sometimes, you disagree and that can cause tension, whether male or female. So is it a trust thing? No, I trust my husband. Am I insecure? If I'm brutally honest, yes, there are times when I am insecure, but I quickly remind myself that I'm fabulous and I get over it.

I was once told, by a male friend of mine by the way, that you can't put two attractive people together for too long before those "feelings" start creeping up. So for that reason, we do not go out to eat alone nor am I invited to his house. These are his rules, and I can respect him for his honesty. We all know that so called friend who is just waiting around for your man/ woman to mess up so that they can swoop up from behind and pick up the broken pieces. It is that "friend" who gives this male/female friendship a bad name.

As with any relationship you have with someone outside of your marriage, I think you have to set boundaries and communicate with your spouse what you are comfortable with. Can they talk on the phone, text, be Facebook friends, hang out, go to each other's family events? These are things you have to be really specific with to save yourself from an argument later.

So can your spouse have friends of the opposite sex? What are some of the rules or boundaries that you both have placed?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids (and my husband),

Rhonda

Five Words That Will Set You Free

We have family meetings in my house. Usually only once a month just to go over the social calendar for my kids (I don't have much of a social life outside of work and church/choir), to make sure everybody is on the same page and give the kids an opportunity to have the floor and our undivided attention.

But, every now and then I have to call a meeting when things are out of control (at least for me). When clothes and toys are all over the floor, homework isn't being done, library books are overdue, etc, I have to call a meeting to get my troops back in line. I made it known to them that if I ask them to do something and they don't, there will be consequences. I'm not one of those mothers who just threatens either, I back mine up. My son just got his tablet back after not having it the entire summer.

Not only that, but I have to remind my husband that I can't be everywhere at once. You ever ask someone to remind you to do something and they don't and then you have to fuss at them for not remembering to remind you. Yeah, that happens in our house a lot. Threatening a grown man didn't work cause he just gave me side eye. So at our last meeting I decided to be more creative with him.

My husband says that he wants to help take some of the pressure and stress off of me, but it doesn't always work because while I was willing to give him half or part of the responsibility by having him remind me, the control freak in me wasn't willing to let it go completely. So in an effort to let some things go I decided to put these 5 words into my vocabulary: "I'm making it your responsibility."

What that means for me is that I am giving it to him to take care of from start to finish. I am not checking behind him to see if it was done (well, maybe once) and I am freeing myself from the guilt of not being supermom. I make sure that I look him squarely in the eyes, recite my 5 magical words and wait for a response from him, whether it be a laugh, shoulder shrug, eye roll or simple "yes". When I know he has received his challenge I let it go. I don't know if he had been fooling me all this time with his convenient memory loss or he just wants to prove himself, but it has been working so far. Either that, or I've freed myself from it so much that I don't remember what the heck I asked him to do. In any case, there have not been any catastrophes so we're good.

Ok, moms and wives, I challenge you to relinquish some of the control. Start handing out some of the responsibility and tell me how you feel!

Forever loving my BADD Kids,
Rhonda

I am a lunch box rock star

So, we are well into this new school year and other than making sure my children stay on top of their homework assignments, I have become completely obsessed with making sure they eat their lunches. Last year I threw away more food than they ate and I am making it my goal to change that around.

When I was growing up, the lunches were real simple: a sandwich, some fruit, a sweet treat or two and a juice box. You either ate it yourself or upgraded with a trade from a friend. You ate your lunch regardless. But, ohh, not my kids. They would come home with the whole lunch uneaten talking about they were hungry.

So in my effort to trick entice my kids to eat their lunches, I did two things. First, I took my husband off of lunch box duty. No offense, but they just weren't into it. Second, I got creative. With the help of Pinterest, I was inspired to make some pretty nice lunches.


Then, as an added bonus, I was complimented by their teacher on how awesome their lunches looked. It was the very next day after my "Mom Shaming" post so my mom swag went up a notch or two.

Here are a few examples of their lunches:

Ham and cheese kabobs, peaches, carrots and ranch, pretzels and cookies

Bologna sandwich, cheese stick, apples and caramel dip and cookies

Bologna sandwich, pretzels, peaches, fruit snack and cookies

With the exception of a few apples and a sandwich, their containers have come home pretty empty. Either the new, improved lunches are a go, or they are giving me the okeydoke and throwing everything away. In any case, I feel like a better parent because my children are getting the food they need to energize their growing brains.

Let me also add that they only get 20 minutes or so for lunch, which can seem like 5 for those children who can't help but to socialize.

Tell me about your lunchbox experience. Do you have any snack ideas or tips? Let me know.

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda 

Are you guilty of "Mom Shaming"?

So, I'm sure you've heard of dog shaming: when a owner posts a picture of something crazy their pet did. I must admit some of the pics I've seen are kind of funny. Here are a few of my favorites:

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Pet shaming is harmless, they don't know what's going on and nobody's feelings are hurt (except the dog, maybe, but they get over it). But, you know what I can't stand and is when people Mom Shame. They make you feel guilty about not being able to do something because of responsibilities at home. It can cause people like me to Mom Shame myself sometimes off of pure guilt that I clearly am not the SuperMom they think I should be.

"But, Rhonda, nobody has taken a picture of you with a sign that reads, 'I let my kids wear the same jeans 3 times in a week as long as they don't stink and are not physically soiled'." No, they have not, thank God, but if you have heard or said any of the following you have been exposed to Mom Shaming:

 "Oh, I didn't invite you because I figured you had to do something with your kids."

 "You get take-out on Wednesdays? We usually save that for the weekends."

 "My children don't eat gluten or monosaturated fats." 

 "We missed you at the last meeting."

 "We were short staffed since you had to call in to take care of your sick child."

 "If you can't be committed, then please re-evaluate your membership."

 "Maybe you'll get to help out at the next fundraiser."

 "Nick's mom let him have a phone."

 "Please check one: Yes, I can help out for the school event in the morning, Yes, I can help out for the school event in the afternoon, No, I am unable to help out at this event or any other because I work."

Okay, so that last one was not worded exactly like that, but that's how I felt. There is a ton of guilt associated with being a mom, especially a working one who has dreams and goals of her own. I am not just a mother of two, I am a wife, a colleague, a dreamer, a writer, a songbird, a visionary, a counselor, and much much more. So while some of the shame is self-inflicted, I have to remind myself of all these complexities that create me. As long as my children are healthy, happy and satisfied, I can rest easy at night and could care less of what anyone thinks about my parenting abilities. Hashtag please go have several seats.

Has anyone every Mom Shamed you? How did you handle it?

Forever loving my BADD Kids,

Rhonda

Before and After Kids- A Mother's Reflection

There's a picture I have on my bookshelf with me and my friends from a party circa 2004. My hair was a little bit shorter, my nails were done and I was probably a size or two smaller. I don't remember much about that night and if it weren't for the picture I probably wouldn't even have thought twice about it. It just made me think about how life BK (before kids) was and how it seems like such a distant memory. The picture was a year before I got the title of "mommy", but I just wanted to share some ways my life has changed since then.

Y'all know about that club pose, don't front.- 2004

College Graduation- Dec. 2003

My baby shower Oct. 2005

Before Kids:
- My girl would call me up, last minute, sometimes after midnight to go hang out and I would be up and out the door. Now- there are no calls after midnight. There are no calls after 10 for that matter.

-I would hang out/ party at least once a month. Now- I still party, but it's usually in the company of babies and grade schoolers- a lot of them.

-Sleeping in meant getting up around 10 or 11. Now- sleeping in doesn't exist, these kids are up at 7:30 every morning.

-I would go the restroom alone. Now-  they want to hold family meetings when I'm on the porcelain throne.

-Going out to eat was a normal, everyday thing. Now- there has to be a budget/ coupon/ 2 for 1 special to feed my family of 4.

- I felt cute and sexy 80% of the time. Now- I find it hard to come out of "mommy mode" for some grown and sexy time. (Sorry hubby).

- I didn't even like kids. Now- I still don't. I love my children dearly.

- If I was sick, I would lay down and sleep it off. Now- moms don't get sick.

- On my days off, you could find me at the mall, at a restaurant or at the movies. Now- A day off from work just means a day on for housework and errands. In other words, moms don't get off days either.

- Date night was nothing but fun. Now- date night can be stressful when you have to find a babysitter, spend money you don't have on a movie that you may or may not like or fall asleep on.

- I could finish a meal with no interruptions. Now- yeah right.

I never knew that these little people could control my life in this way. Now- I can't imagine my life without them.

July 4th, 2014

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. kids,
Rhonda

Diva on a Dime- Patio Chair Re-do

So my family and I moved recently and one of my favorite places in my house is the deck. The only thing is that I don't have any deck furniture, except a swing that came with the house and 2 weathered patio chairs I brought from my old place.

I had been looking for budget friendly ways to add some color and personality to our home and I decided on using turquoise as an accent color. Bring in 2 cans of gloss Valspar spray paint in Exotic Sea and a plastic table cloth to cover the working area and I now have the cutest patio chairs.

Valspar Gloss Spray Paint
Prime and Paint in Exotic Blue

Before

After

The pros of this project is that it only cost me the price of the spray paint which was $8 for both and It only took me about 20 minutes. The con would be that it was a little windy and my impatience and excitement took over and against my better judgment I sprayed anyway, which resulted in part of the porch and my toes turning blue (I also chose to wear flip flops).

My next project, inspiration curtesy of Pinterest is pallette furniture: first up is a bench. Here's a sneak peak.

What DIY projects are you working on?

And advise for me and my pallette furniture?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Thrifting is My Cardio

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I love thrifting. Buying good quality clothes at discounted prices, sign me up. I feel just like Macklemore in his "Thrift Store" video when I find something great- I too be popping tags. I have been thrifting since before it became a "thing", almost ashamed of being caught at a second hand store. But, times have definitely changed and mother has bills.

I mostly thrift for my kids because they grow out of their clothes at such an exponential rate. It's even better when you shop at a consignment store that will buy back your old clothes and give you a store credit (or cash). Last school year I was able to buy both my kids 3 outfits each and I only had to come out of my pocket about $20.

I thrift for myself whenever I need a particular clothing item to complete a look. For instance, my church choir doesn't wear robes so we choose a different uniform that we will wear each time we sing. I don't always have the complete look hanging in my closet, so for those items, thriftying becomes my best friend. Just in the last couple months I have had to obtain the following items: a bow tie, a blue dress, khaki pants, a purple top and a blue blazer. I don't think I paid over $3 for any of those items.

The only thing about thrifting is that you have to have time to shop. Whether the clothes are hung up or in a bin, you have to take your time to find want you want, and they may not even have your size. And speaking of size, you have to be realistic about your needs. If you wear a 12- buy a 12, or maybe even a 14 because these are gently used clothes and they have been washed and possibly shrunken. And depending on the stores' policy, you just may be stuck with the item. I bought a pain of silky pants that claimed to be a size above mine and I thought I would be able to turn them into harem pants. My thighs however, didn't cooperate so they are now pajama bottoms.

So, here are my top 3 thrift stores in the Southeastern Michigan area:
1. Once Upon a Child (multiple locations- Nation Wide)- They carry clothes, shoes, toys, books and equipment for kids from newborn to size 10 in boys. They are also a consignment store and buy gently used clothes. They are very choosy with what they except- no off brands, faded clothes, holes, etc.
2. Value World (multiple locations- Nation Wide)- Carrying kids, women and men's clothing, household goods, toys, accessories and shoes, the stores are huge and you can get a whole outfit for about $10- $15. But, buyer beware, look for missing buttons, undone hems and the like as their clothes are donated.
3. Thrift on the Ave- This resale/ consignment store is so classy and cute, located in the Midtown area in Detroit. I found them on Instagram and was hooked after I went to a clothing swap they hosted a couple months ago.

Thrift stores I have yet to enjoy:
1. Goodwill (multiple locations- Nation Wide)- I've heard good things about Goodwill (especially the one in Dearborn), so I can't wait until I can get my cardio on and get some great finds. Goodwill Industries has been around for a long time and has done a lot for our communities.
2. Hips (2 locations in Michigan)- Geared for the plus sized woman, I pass by Hips everyday on my morning commute and want to see what kind of clothes they have.
3. Whoo U R Upscale Resale For a Cause- Located in Rochester, I found this store during an Internet search and they seem to have a lot of high quality merchandise. I just hope the high quality product doesn't equal high price. I'll let you know, though as I plan to hit up each one before the summer's out.

Where's your favorite place for resale? If you need help finding a resale store in your area, you should check out thethriftshopper.com. Let me know if you discover some good finds.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. kids,
Rhonda

Moving Tips...Not Really

It's funny that s fast as I wrote the post saying that I was combining my two blogs into one, I decided not to. I take pleasure in knowing that as a woman, (not to mention owner of the blogs in question), I can and will change my mind. #sorrynotsorry

So I realized that I had been so busy, that I didn't get a chance to spread the good news...We moved! We've been in the new house for a little over a month now and I absolutely love it. Moving from an apartment to a house was the best and long awaited thing I've done. Yes, I'm paying more a month, but it's worth every dime.

In addition to more space, we have peace of mind and wonderful neighbors. For anyone who remembers my Facebook posts over the years, I have had more than my share of neighbors from hell. I've had my packages stolen, my apartment nearly broken into, loud cursing, screaming and fighting all times of the night, and copper thieves who caused us to have to be evacuated. Needless to say, I don't miss a thing about apartment living and for those who are still enduring, may God be with you.

I was on Pinterest looking at other blogs' moving tips and I had gathered all my supplies: boxes, packaging tape, markers, bags, etc. I had planned on labeling each room a different color and since we had several weeks to move, I thought this was going to be the best moving experience we've had.

I would love to tell you that's what happened and I would love to give you helpful hints about moving and how to make it easy and stress free. Unfortunately, that just didn't happen for me, so I got nothing. There was broken furniture, punctured walls, too many masculine egos and tight jaws (maybe even a broken tooth) from me choosing to keep my mouth shut. But, what I do have is appreciation to my family for helping us move. But for the sake of our sanity and my teeth, I'm hiring movers next time.

Tell me something crazy that happened during your move.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids!

Ain't nobody got time for stress

Hey y'all I'm back! I had to take a pause for the cause since stress had been wearing me down. Life has it's stressful moments - I'm a wife, mother, work full time, sing in the choir, do make up and hair on the side and I try to fit my love of writing in there somewhere, not to mention some tiny health issues that slowed me down. I'm exhausted at just typing that out.

But, I'm learning how to deal by taking plenty of breaks along the way. I will admit it has been hard to do. I knew it was time to do so when I was cooking the other day and just could not get it together. My mind was on 10,000 and my body was just all over the place- I dropped raw hamburger meat in dishwater and dropped an egg on the floor. I was tempted to throw my hands up and go get take out, but we were under a winter advisory so I just put my big girl panties on and continued cooking my meal.

When I'm stressed I feel it all throughout my body. I have to loosen my shoulders, which are usually up to my ears by the end of the day. And there are times that my jaws are clenched so tight I have to stop and do jaw movements. But what's a girl to do?

That being said, here are 5 simple things that I do that help me de-stress, even if it's only for a brief moment.

1. Take a bubble bath. The "Calgon take me away" lady knew what she was talking about. A nice, calming bath with soft music playing may be just the mini-vacation (or for some the only vacation) you need. I go all out with mine, candles, music and sometimes wine if it's been that type of day.

2. Do some yoga and breathe. Like I said, I feel stress all throughout my body, so taking some nice deep breaths and stretching those muscles out makes me feel rejuvenated after a long day's work. Or, you can just lay out on the floor for 20 minutes and tell your family you're in corpse pose.

3. Take an hour back. Sometimes I just reclaim my life as my own and I choose to do whatever I want to do for one hour. Whether it's turning up my music and dancing in my room, watching a show via Netflix or faux-shopping on the Internet (that's where I put all the stuff I want in my cart without actually confirming the purchase.) Don't judge me, I'm on a budget.

4. Read a magazine. I would love to say read a book, but let's keep it real, we ain't got time for that. But, flipping through a magazine, looking at the latest makeup and clothing trends makes me happy and I often find inspiration for shopping my closet or a new product I want to try.

5. Mini facial or makeover. I used to give myself a facial every week. Unfortunately, those facials have become few and far between. But, when I need to de-stress I pull out my scrubs and masks and get to work. Or, I play dress up and beat my face for an event that may or may not be happening in the near future.

How do you de-stress? Maybe I can add it to my routine. 

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty!